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Showing posts with label cheerleaders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheerleaders. Show all posts

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Menace!

About two years ago, I began developing ideas for straight-to-video movies, in the hopes that I would maybe be able to pitch the idea, get some support from a film production company(and it did not have to be financial, just an assurance that when I was done, we would do what it takes to make money on both sides of the equation), and well, get a payday out of it. While this is still one of the venues of writing I'm planning to pursue, what changed was the fact that every production company wanted a full completed script. The problem was that I did not feel safe in taking months out of my life, doing the script, and not getting paid for it...basically, writing the script did not guarantee you pay.

However, as I grow older, I'm learning that nine times out of ten, this seems to be the case. I definitely have a concept in mind that I want to write for straight-to-video companies like Asylum or any independent film production company, but for obvious reasons, I can't go into it here. Instead, I present The Menace, a concept that I wanted to sell initially as a treatment, and later as a script. It was my FIRST love letter to the concept of cheerleader warriors aka Ninja Cheerleaders and Cheerleader Ninjas. However, it was much more serious, mixed with the idea of a Freddy Kruger-type antagonist they had to deal with, the Menace. The idea was simply to do a story that was exploitation fare.

It also suffers from my personal designs for heroine-types. I'm probably a feminist's worst nightmare...hell, even a regular woman's worst nightmare when it comes to my design in costuming female heroes. *Shrugs*

So here is the treatment for THE MENACE...hope you like it!


The Menace:


Concept:
THE MENACE can be summarized in this simple description: CHALLENGE OF THE SUPERFRIENDS meets FRIDAY THE 13TH. The story takes two distinctly different concepts, the good versus evil cartoons that were very prominent in the 1980s (Examples: Transformers, He-Man, ThunderCats, Superfriends, and G.I. Joe) and the “golden age” of “slasher” movies of the late 1970s/1980s (Examples: The Hills Have Eyes, The Funhouse, Friday the 13th, and The Burning) to create a unique fusion, an horror action “slasher epic” that homages the never-ending battle between good versus evil in a true war between “slashers” and “final girls”.

The concept manifests in the conflict between a beautiful Asian fighter named CRYSTAL CENTURY and her team of Amazonian warriors versus the ancient evil being MENACE, in a homicidal war spanning an innocent university campus that threatening to engulf the surrounding town as well. The desired intent of the concept is to create a trilogy of films, with this being the first film in the series.


Characters:
Crystal Century: The main character of the film and the Princess of the Oriental Amazons, Crystal was next in line to receive the throne after her Warrior Queen mother had passed, along with the EBONY SAI, the Queen’s traditional weapon of pure supernatural power. However, when her mother is killed by relic raiders who had discovered the horrifying Menace armor and stole it out of the jungle, Crystal becomes the ruler of her tribe by default. However, consumed by revenge, and frightened at the prospect of taking over the reins of leadership, the young woman goes off on the mission of regaining the Menace armor alone, despite the fact that the Tribe has put together a team to support her in this endeavor. Crystal has a royal demeanor, seemingly serious and distant, always distracted by her mission, but often shows a soft spot to people she is close with, such as her rival and later Samantha. She also has a weakness for video games, taking ideas from the various video game characters to use in combat. She is very blunt, and to the point, not sparing people’s feelings; she is a woman of action. Initially having a slight hatred for Americans, she slowly warms up to them when she becomes friends with Samantha.

Crystal Century is a homage to the 1980s characters He-man (Masters of the Universe), Optimus Prime (Transformers), Lion-O (Thundercats), Bravestarr, and countless others. She is the star character, and the irrefutable leader (with the exception of Lotus) of her team, the inspirational figure who is the chief antagonist of Menace. There is also homage to Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman, including Crystal’s “civilian” identity (wears glasses and a ponytail) and her uniform, which has bracelets and a tiara similar to the 1970s heroine.

Menace: He, or it is evil incarnate, created millennia ago in the Great Amazon Civil War as a weapon of mass destruction, when one of the Oriental Amazon factions gathered all of the evil magic on Earth at the time and plunged it into one vessel, armor created from the most adamant of metals. The resulting armor was so evil, that only men, with true darkness in their hearts could wear it without being turned into dust. For the first host, the Amazons kidnapped a man from a village, and turned him into their WMD. However, the resulting weapon became too crafty, turned on his creators and conquered both factions. After half a century under his rule, the two factions were reunited and rebelled against their ruler, throwing him into the mouth of a steaming volcano. In the modern day, the volcano erupted, and the armor pieces were “freed” and thrown into the atmosphere. The Amazons, who had stationed hidden villages around the volcano to maintain a vigil quickly assembled a team lead by the Queen herself and gave chase. However, the armor telepathically sought out a being of evil: a relic hunter and his felonious crew of fellow hunters.

Promising the raider power beyond imagination, the armor coaxed the man and his group to the location, while the Queen and her band raced to gain the armor. The two forces met in the forest and the Queen first approached the situation diplomatically. However, her attempt was in vain; the armor telepathically forced the man to shoot her in cold blood, causing a vicious shootout that the relic hunter barely escapes. Afterward, the armor is shipped to the United States, where it is sold to an art dealer, who sells it to Professor Cameron. The armor gains power over Cameron’s will by harassing his mind telepathically and progressing to visions and dreams of horror and death. When Cameron is shot by Ralph, he is forced to put on the armor, thus being possessed by it. The Menace is the Devil Incarnate, a being of pure nightmare. Everything about him is darkness: his aura, his approach, his outlook…a seemingly walking shadow, and when light does flicker on his body, nasty and squirming shapes of flesh can often been seen before disappearing from the light.

While Menace is a homage to 1980 cartoon villains such as Skeletor (Antagonist of He-Man), Megatron (Antagonist of Optimus Prime), and Mumm-Ra (Antagonist of Lion-O), the character draws main inspiration from “horror” villains such as Freddy Kruger(Nightmare on Elm Street) and Pinhead(Hellraiser), as well as the intellectual “smoothness” and capacity of Hannibal Lecter(Silence of the Lambs).


Samantha Stasiak: A wallflower who is passive aggressive. A sexually repressed, though focused college student majoring in art, Samantha is also a secret video game junkie, with a love for Dante on Devil May Cry. She is drawn immediately to Crystal when she meets her in class, and takes to following her around to learn more about her. Just like Crystal, she is initially a loner, having no one to truly become close with. Over the course of the movie, however, the two become good friends, and Samantha becomes an honorary member of the team with her own weapon. Samantha seems to be naïve, but is really knowledgeable of social and pop culture. Much like Spike in TRANSFORMERS, she is the “normal human” sidekick of Crystal and her team.

Professor Henry W. Cameron: A professor of Archaeology at Ripton University, Professor Cameron is a dreamer, who is disappointed with his lot in life. A hopeless romantic and aspiring adventurer, Henry is a devoted fan of Indiana Jones and other 1980s films, and often desires to be one of those action heroes in the films. Yet, reality often sinks in; he feels that his duty as a professor is more important, and that his age is too advanced to act (or so he thinks) on such childish impulses. To make up for his desires, the Professor is an avid collector of relics of ancient civilizations, which is why he purchased the Menace armor from a dealer who purchased it from the relic hunter who murdered Crystal’s mother. The voice of the armor begins to wear on him slowly, shackling his will, which is weaker already because of the beautiful Star Meadows, one of his students, who he is having a secret relationship with. However, later on, having already been mentally tortured by the voice in the armor for weeks, Henry finds himself mentally ransacked when Star betrays him. After a fatal altercation at his mansion, Henry is left with no choice but to don the horrifying armor, becoming the new host body of the Menace. Henry is the tragic figure of the story, a lonely man who lives alone in a mansion, passed down through the generations by a family who made their fortune in the chloroform business.

He is ruggedly handsome, and in his mid-to-late 40s, a Bill Pullman-type who has slightly low self-esteem from many romantic failures in the past. Ed Quinn (House of the Dead 2) would be an example of a candidate.

Star Meadows: An erotic and beautiful “society girl”, Star is a sorority girl who is the most popular girl on campus…and she knows her power. Manipulative, she takes pleasure in playing with other people’s emotions, and toying with their very lives as a result. Hence, her latest project, Professor Henry Cameron, who she toyed with initially…but soon, she develops feelings for him. The reason for her “toying” with him is because of her on-again-off-again boyfriend Ralph had put her up to it as revenge for failing his class last semester. Already feeling guilty for her actions, Ralph continues to push her further and further…first, by video taping her sex romp with the Professor, then later using her as a distraction, against her will, to “rob” the mansion to scare the Professor. When the Professor is shot, Star cries, her true guilt finally revealed. Sadly, she is killed when the Menace and his Synturion emerges.

Ralph Johnson: A stereotypical frat boy and football player, who had to sit on the bench the last semester for failing Cameron’s class, Ralph seeks revenge on his former Professor through his sporadic girlfriend, Star. Unknown to his friends, his father is verbally abusive, thus creating Ralph’s drive for success and his Machiavellian outlook on life. Ralph uses his girl to seduce the Professor, not knowing that Star has developed some feelings for him. At the culmination of their long-term plans, they video-tape Star and Cameron having sex, telling Star that they would use it as blackmail collateral. However, a day later, it is broadcast on campus, causing embarrassment to Star and the Professor. When Star goes to the fleeing Professor’s mansion to ask for forgiveness, Ralph uses the opportunity to sneak in, pretending he and his friends are thieves to scare the Professor. However, the Professor, drunk and heartbroken, attacks the disguised Ralph when he pulls out a gun. When the gun goes off in the struggle, the Professor is wounded, and a scared Ralph panics, quickly putting together a story (the mansion was really robbed) to cover up what really happened. As he and his friends ransack the mansion, they are killed by the Synturions, while Menace personally kills Ralph.

The “Ripton Heroes”: A team of Amazons(in cheerleader costumes) from the tribe ruled by Crystal, they were assembled to assist the Princess in re-obtaining the armor. However, Crystal left without their knowledge, leaving the team to go after their Princess. They are called to assist Crystal when Menace is finally unleashed on Ripton University. They become the protectors of the town when the local police proved inadequate to handle the Menace threat. They are homage to the Autobots (Transformers), Thundercats, and the Heroic Warriors (Masters of the Universe):

• Lotus: The second-in-command of the “Ripton Heroes”, sent to back-up Crystal, Lotus is Crystal’s best friend from childhood, where the two were practically raised as sisters. However, as their Amazonian training began, Lotus and Crystal developed a powerful rivalry, one that continued into young adulthood. After Crystal left her Tribe to go after the Menace armor alone, Lotus and the others followed in secret, Lotus thinking that Crystal left because intimidation of ruling the Amazons. The group camped in the woods until Crystal finally broadcast her royal symbol, summoning the others. When the Heroes finally meet up, all bow except Lotus, who demands an immediate Trial by Combat for leadership. However, impendent attack from the Synturions curtails their rivalry. Lotus wields a magical Japanese katana known as the EMERALD SCALE that can cut through anything.
• Kismet: The brains or tactical mastermind of the team, Kismet keeps a “crystal computer”, a three-dimensional holographic computer that houses vast information on any given situation, including a wealth of information on the Menace threat. A graceful dancer, Kismet is also a very capable street fighter, her weapon being special brass knuckles of her own design, known as SEEING STARS. She has a love for rock music, as well as a strong British accent. The most mature of the team, Kismet is level-headed, and often the person Crystal turns to for counsel.
• Shanghai: Shanghai is an Amazon that has embraced the cowboy culture, wielding two specialized RAIJIN pistols, steampunk-like six shooters that discharge powerful bolts of lightning. She is very promiscuous, as well as sharp-tongued, and has a ferocious temper; however, she discovers that she is addicted to pop-culture and talk shows, and often gossip about them at the most inopportune of times.
• Foxie: An Amazon wielding a red scimitar named ALADDIN, Foxie is so named because of her love for speaking like a blaxploitation character. She has a love for Arabian culture. Sarcastic, with a love for pranks and jokes, Foxie fights in a unique Persian style of sword-combat. However, she is deathly afraid of the Menace, scarred from bedtime tales of his evil from her childhood.



Synopsis:

1. INITIAL INTRODUCTION OF CRYSTAL CENTURY AND MENACE- PRE-CREDITS

Old Man Behind Diner Counter: “I’ve been here from ‘I like Ike’ to ‘Whoever Pays Taxes Get a Tax Break’, and I ain’t never seen nothin’ like this before.”

Henry Cameron: “Yeah, quite a hell out there, isn’t it? Hey, mind cutting me a slice of that pecan pie?”

The opening scene begins in a traditional American trapping, a 1950s-like diner seemingly in the middle of nowhere, deserted except for two men, a older man in his late 60s or 70s, and a younger man in his mid-to-late 40s. The older man continues to make small talk as he slices a piece of pie from the raised glass diner dish and casually hands it to the younger man. Outside, the sounds of explosions, eruptions of light and blood-curling screams threatens to explode through the vibrating diner windows; the booth tables shake, tossing salt, pepper, and ketchup bottles about as if at the hands of an invisible angry child. The two only have minor commentary on the battlefield-like situation outside, as if detached from the world beyond the diner’s doorstep.

The younger man moves to one of the booths that look out of one of the windows. Something sinister and silvery suddenly flashes by, but the man is undaunted and calmly eats a spoonful of pecan pie. Suddenly, the feeble bell of the diner door tinkles, halting the small talk between the two. A hand drenched in blood weakly opens the door, and two female feet, in glass-like Japanese geta, stumble clumsily across the threshold. The feet stand still for a minute as the glass door of the diner closes behind them. Drops of blood splatter next to the feet, pooling as the feet take a step forward. Lethargically, the newcomer makes her way down the aisle of window booths, limping, her left hand holding and nursing her right arm. Her face is hidden by shadows, but her body is that of a striking and statuesque woman. However, her bodily beauty is suppressed by the remnants of a skimpy, but tattered cheerleader uniform, which is drenched in blood. In her right hand is a black jeweled Japanese Sai, which she grasps so hard that her knuckles turn white.

The old man behind the counter calls out to the woman, asking if she is alright, as she slowly makes her way to the man sitting in the booth. He, on the other hand, seems oblivious to the horribly assaulted newcomer; he calmly eats his pecan pie and stares out of the window, a sly but triumphant smile on his ruggedly handsome face. As the girl limps to a stop before his table, he grins up at her gleefully. Although wincing from the pain of her injuries, the woman takes her Sai, and with much effort, stabs it through his pecan pie, the plate, and the table. Her fingers linger on the weapon for mere moments; tiny rivers of glistening blood trickle from the wounds on her right arm, down her fingers, and on to the pecan pie. The woman promptly sits down, facing the man, her face finally revealed: she is a beautiful Asian warrior, with a bleeding cut on her forehead, and a busted lower lip.

Cameron: “If it was not for you, Princess…I would not be at the pinnacle of this civilization. I would not be the one that controls the greatest weapon of them all: history.”

Crystal Century (slowly takes her lingering fingers from the sai, her lip trembling in order to maintain her stony composure): “Tell me. Tell me how my sister died.”

Cameron (grins): “Her death cries did not honor you. They were not in sorrow for you. They cursed you. They dripped with venom, with bitterness, with rage. Your sister died knowing the truth…that the Great Crystal Century was not the guardian of the innocent she held up her to be.”

Crystal Century (pauses for a minute as tears streak down her cheeks): “Atonement starts here.”

Moving as a blur, an overwhelming contrast to her wounded movement beforehand, Crystal snatches the Sai (where an golden cat-like eye opens on the hilt) from the table and plunges it into the Professor’s eyes.



2. MENACE ARMOR ARRIVES AT THE PROFESSOR’S PLACE-TWO WEEKS BEFORE


TWO WEEKS BEFORE is the time stamp on this scene as it opens on a luxurious but dismal mansion on the outskirts of the college town of Ripton. Here lives Professor Henry W. Cameron, a ruggedly handsome, but weathered man in his mid-to-late 40s. A Professor of Archaeology at Ripton University, Cameron is a man who is married to his career. However, this arrangement is forceful, as the man has had ruined romantic relationship after ruined romantic relationship. He lives alone in his spacious mansion, passed down through the generations of his wealthy family; he is essentially the last of the great American Cameron family if his romantic life won’t improve. One of the things he takes great pride in is the collection of artifacts from ancient civilizations; he won’t admit that it is a distraction from romantic pursuit.

As the moving van pulls up, the Professor waits gleefully for his prize, grinning from ear to ear. As the moving men open the back of the truck, the Professor’s eyes seizes its first glimpse of the Menace armor…a twisted, masochistic set of armor that seem to be a blend of Oriental and European influence. There are still various stains of old blood on the armor, and it seems as if there are actual blood vessels weaved over said armor pieces. The Professor helps the men move the glass display, where the armor sits in its twisted pride, into the house and into a large “trophy room” where the Professor stores his other ancient treasures. There, Cameron steps back to admire his latest addition, sadly naïve to its sinister desires.


3. SAMANTHA MEETS CRYSTAL/STAR AND PROFESSOR’S ROMANCE- TWO WEEKS LATER

Samantha Stasiak, a beautiful young college student who is a social wallflower, rushes across the prestigious Ripton University campus to Archaeology class, arriving 15 minutes late. She interrupts Professor Cameron at the start of his lecture and timidly apologizes for it. Her head bowed, she quickly shuffles to an empty seat in the back of the room. As she tries quietly to set up her textbook and notebook, a pencil rolls off of her desk. She hears it roll off, but never hit the ground. She looks up to find a beautiful bespectacled Asian woman holding the pencil out to her. Samantha is shocked; this is a new student that she had never seen before. From that moment on, Samantha becomes obsessed with her, this mystery student who seems to be the eponymy of cool. She thanks the Asian woman, and offer to assist her with class notes, which the girl agrees.

The Professor’s lecture on the history of keys almost goes unnoticed by the distracted Samantha. Something about the girl seems to excite her. Meanwhile, lead sorority girl Star Meadows sits in the front row in class, winking and flashing suggestive looks at the Professor, who remains oblivious to her seductive actions. As class lets out, the Asian woman stares daggers at the Professor as she leaves the classroom. She is quickly followed by Samantha, who introduces herself. The Asian woman, however, isn’t interested in making friends. Instead, she asks if she knew where the Professor lives. Samantha, eager to prove her worth, tells her that she might and that she will be her guide around the University campus. The Asian woman shakes Samantha’s hand, introducing herself as Crystal Century.

Meanwhile, as the classroom clears out, Star is the last student left with her teacher. As she walks up to his desk, her blouse unbuttoned enough to showcase her breasts, Professor Cameron becomes shocked and backs away slightly. However, it turns out to be part of the sexual role-play between the two, as student and teacher begin to make-out on top of the Professor’s desk. However, after a few “hot and heavy” minutes, Star tells the Professor to hold his horses: this was just a small taste of the “main course” that would happen later that evening. The Professor reluctantly agrees and releases his clandestine romantic partner. She grins, gives him one last kiss, and seductively saunters out of the classroom and closes the door. She is suddenly startled by Ralph Johnson, lead frat boy and party-starter of the University…and her on-again-off-again boyfriend, at this point on-again. The two harshly whisper to each other, revealing that Star’s infatuation with the Professor is part of an ongoing major plan of revenge, which is to culminate later that night at Star’s and the Professor’s secret meeting. Star, however, shows some reluctance in this plan, as she has secretly developed feelings for the Professor. However, Ralph browbeats her, spouting that Professor Cameron deserved his vengeance for failing him last semester, and Star’s betrayal would break him mentally.


4. CRYSTAL AND SAMANTHA TOUR CAMPUS/INTRODUCTION OF SUPPORTING CAST/VICTIMS

Crystal and Samantha walk about campus, with Samantha pointing out the various cliques and acquaintances that she know. Among the assorted characters, we have hardnosed campus cops LEE DEVELIN and his “deputy” JACOB TUBBS busting a student for smoking pot; K-DOGG and his crew, an Indian student who perceives himself to be a gangster from the hood, and his “gang” of fellow Indians who think the same thing. THE GAMERS’ UNION, a stereotypical group of nerds who like video games, and are the closest thing to Samantha’s friends; and finally, “BLAZE” SMITH, the star quarterback, his coach, a few of his football buddies, and BRITTANY TAYLOR, head cheerleader. Brittany insults Samantha, who ignores her and continues to show Crystal around campus. However, to add insult to injury, Blaze throws his football at Samantha, which Crystal easily catches. While Samantha tells her not to worry about the incident, Crystal ignores her and walks up to face Blaze. She orders both Blaze and Brittany to apologize for their transgressions; both sneer at her.

Suddenly, Crystal grabs Blaze’s arm, uses a pressure point to stun it, and painfully hold it in a submission position. She asks again for apologies for her host. One of Blaze’s teammates rushes to stop her, but he is put down with a neat kick. The coach rushes up next, merely to say something, but he is also put down effortlessly with a kick. Samantha can only look on in shock as the quarterback, whimpering in pain, complies with his attacker’s command. He apologizes, and Crystal releases his arm and faces Brittany. At first, their eyes met, and it seems as if Brittany is not going to back down. However, she holds up her hands in surrender and promptly apologizes to Samantha as well.

Without looking back, Crystal walks off, with Samantha running to catch up behind her. She tells Samantha that she is too soft, and should have some initiative to take up for herself. Meanwhile, the coach, Blaze, and his friend lay moaning on the ground. The friend wonders if Crystal would make a better quarterback then even Blaze.


5. AT THE PROFESSOR’S OFFICE/CRYSTAL’S ATTEMPTED ASSASINATION

After being led around campus for a while, Crystal becomes slightly agitated, impatiently asking where the Professor lives. Samantha tells her that the man lives in the creepy mansion on the outskirts of town, but if Crystal wants to talk to the Professor now, his office was in one of the University buildings. She then tells Crystal to wait for a minute, as she was going to go and purchase soda for them to drink. As Samantha returns from her errand, she finds Crystal gone. Right away, she heads for the Professor’s office.

Quietly entering the hall where the Professor’s office is, Samantha ducks behind a wall and hides a gasp of surprise. She watches as Crystal, crouched before the Professor’s door, brandishes two lethal jeweled black sai, holding them skillfully in her hands as she waits to spring an ambush. The light in the Professor’s office go out, and the door slowly opens to a crack. Reacting on auto-pilot, Samantha jumps out of her hiding place and calls Crystal’s name. Both Crystal and Professor Cameron are surprised; their eyes met, and without waiting for any reply, Crystal takes off, disappearing through around the corner of the hallway. Samantha gives chase, but is stopped by the Professor, who wants to know what is going on. Samantha covers for Crystal, saying the exchange student is too embarrassed to talk to the Professor about the day’s lecture on keys. Noticing how dressed up the Professor is, Samantha asks the reason for such an occasion. The Professor lies, saying he is attending a movie.

Saying goodbye to the Professor, Samantha rushes to catch up with Crystal. But after going outside, she finds the Asian woman has vanished into the golden dusk without a trace. Standing above, on the roof, Crystal stares down at Samantha, holding a hand to one of her earrings. She seems to be speaking to someone through it; she tells that person that she still doesn’t need any help…and if so, she has found some.


6. THE SECRET DATE OF PROFESSOR AND STAR

Driving past a theatre showing a double feature of “Satan’s Cheerleaders” and “Hard To Die”, the Professor’s car comes to a stop before a stylish hotel. At the front desk, he introduces himself under a prearranged false name, and the hotel clerk directs him to the room where his “wife” is staying. Star opens the door, dressed in a robe and directs him inside. Pushing him unto the bed, she clicks on some music, and strips her robe, unveiling very revealing lacy underwear.

The Professor coolly removes his clothes and waits for Star to mount him. He asks her one last time if she is sure she wants to do this. She grins. As the “games” unfold, the Professor is unaware of a small camera that is hidden underneath Star’s tossed robe, recording everything. In a room a few doors down, Ralph and his friends watch the festivities unfold on a monochrome television monitor. Ralph clenches his jaw, trying to maintain his composure at the Professor having sex with “his girl”. He can only admit, through clenched teeth, that he has “that bastard” now.



7. THE TRUTH ABOUT CRYSTAL/MENACE’S ORIGIN

Crystal Century: “‘I Am Death, the Destroyer of Worlds’. A line of ancient Hindu scripture that was known by my ancestors as mantra. Because it was they who bore the forbidden fruit. It was they who let their pettiness overstep their common sense. They created the ultimate weapon…one that could think for itself. What they did not realize is a thinking weapon is just as dangerous to them as it is to their enemies.”

Meanwhile, in the girl dorms, Samantha, having finished studying for the night, has decided to take a shower. Thoroughly engrossed in her shower, she suddenly feels something seize a handful of her hair. She only has time to grab a towel before she is dragged into her room and tossed on the bed (the towel being wrapped around her bottom half). Her attacker, revealed to be Crystal, mounts her and tells her that she has now been drafted to help her. Samantha demands to know why Crystal attempted to kill the Professor; Crystal tells her that it is the only sure way to stop HIM. Samantha demands to know the truth, the whole story.

Crystal demounts her and looks away in shame. She admits that the Professor is innocent, that she is only after the armor that he has in his possession, but she is willing to kill him if it stops the resurrection of the ultimate monster. Reluctantly, Crystal reveals her true identity: she is the Princess of the Japanese Amazons, having come to Ripton to halt the resurrection of the Menace. She then tells the story about Menace: Eons ago, before man dominated the Earth, the Japanese Amazons were the dominant people of Earth, who had access to highly advanced weaponry and magic unlike the world had ever seen. However, as mankind began to spread and gain dominance of the world, the Amazons had to decide how best to embrace these life forms. One group wanted to share their gifts with mankind, while the other group wanted to hoard the gifts and rule mankind as goddesses. The initial disagreement between the two factions soon became a bloody war that lasted for centuries.

In this war, both sides were too equal, and a stalemate continued to prevail. In order to shatter this stalemate, one of the factions took all of the evil energy and magic on Earth at the time and created a powerful suit of magic armor, endowing the suit with sentience and power. However, said suit was so evil that no Amazon could wear it without turning to dust. Only men with darkness or evil in their hearts could wear the suit. Kidnapping a man from a village, the Amazons strapped him into the suit, creating Menace, their ultimate weapon. Said weapon killed, captured, and dominated the other faction of Amazons…but soon, it turned on its creators, conquering them as well and ruling both sides for centuries with an iron fist.

However, in the subsequent centuries of rule, both sides of Amazons united, and secretly forged weapons that were powerful enough to oppose Menace. The pinnacle of these weapons was the Ebony Sai, wielded by Crystal’s grandmother herself, the Queen of the Amazons. Gaining courage and mapping out a strategy, the Amazons attacked and overthrew Menace, rendering the sentient weapon inert by luring and throwing the armored being into the mouth of a steaming volcano. Afterward, the Amazons kept a vigil over that volcano, until, in modern times, it had erupted, spewing the armor into the air.

A team of Amazons were quickly assembled and lead by Crystal’s mother, the present Queen of the Amazons. They chased after the armor and found it deep in the jungle. However, someone else had found it as well: a team of relic hunters, lured there by the powerful influence of the evil armor. The Queen approached the situation with diplomacy, but is killed by the relic hunter leader, who has been influenced by the evil armor. A bloody battle in the jungle unfolds, and the hunter barely got away with his find. In the States, he sells the armor to a dealer, who in turn sells the armor to Professor Cameron.

Samantha listens to the story intensely, but is still disbelieving of its reality. However, Crystal confirms it is real by showing the black sai that she was going to use on the Professor, and letting Samantha inspect it. This is one of the Ebony Sai, one of the few weapons that can harm the Menace. Crystal wants to find the Professor that night, but Samantha, frightened at the prospect that the Asian warrior would kill him rather than any other plan of action, rationalizes that the Professor should be alerted of the problem, and then a solution should be worked out. She points out that the two could speak to the Professor the next day. With great reluctance, Crystal agrees. But, when Samantha turns to talk with her, the young woman has vanished.


8. MENACE AND PROFESSOR PLAY MENTAL CHESS

Professor Cameron (shaking his fists and screaming at the sky): “You won’t win, you bastard! You hear me? You won’t win!!”

A very content Professor leaves the hotel, practically skipping in triumph. However, as he digs into his pocket and pulls out his keys to open his car door, he drops them, suddenly clutching his head in agony. Horrifying images of murder, torture, and pain sears his mind, as a horrible voice assaults his brain. It is the voice of the armor that has been torturing him for the last two weeks; stripping him of his sleep (he would have vivid nightmares of Menace’s former life) and wearing down his mental defenses. Now, the Professor’s façade is stripped away, revealing a weary, psychologically haggard and mentally battered man who has been battling alone for his soul the past week.

The Professor is defiant, refusing to give into Menace’s taunting, especially about his relationship with his student. He is seemingly arguing with himself, startling the few passersby on the street. Stumbling into a shadowy alleyway, cursing the evil being at the top of his lungs, he collapses into a puddle of water, breathing rapidly, as it takes just as much physical effort, in addition to the mental effort to expel Menace’s influence. Suddenly, in the reflection in the water, he sees a shadowy shape staring back at him. It is the shape of the Menace, who strengthens his mental offensive; Cameron grits his teeth, clutching his head in frustration, but it is too late…he feels the shadow shrouding his thoughts, clouding his will. He feels his consciousness slip away as he falls face first into the puddle of water.



9. MENACE’S FIRST CAPTURE, VIA CHLOROFORM

At the University’s swimming pool, a pretty young woman swims alone in the pool, performing laps in the limited light. After one lap, she comes up for air, rises out of the pool, wipes the water from her eyes and hair, and drinks water from a water bottle. She takes a second sip from her water bottle before she hears the door to the pool area shut. She calls out the name of her boyfriend, who is supposed to come by for a late night dip in the pool with her.

No answer.

She quietly puts the water bottle down and listens intensely for any more noise. There is none.

As she turns, dipping a foot into the pool, she hears another noise. Goosebumps break out over her skin. Was someone sneaking around to catch a glimpse of her? A pervert? Or was it someone more sinister? A thief…or a kidnapper? Her imagination creates the threat for her. She has to investigate. Cautiously, she investigates the shadowy areas of the pool, and then the doors. Nothing.

Satisfied with her fruitless search, the young woman returns to the pool and her swimming. While doing the back-paddle in mid-lap, she is suddenly startled by a cold hand wrapping around her abdomen in the water. She struggles to get free, but it is in vain. Screaming at the top of her lungs, the young woman thrashes the water violently, pulling fruitlessly to escape. However, a second hand closes over her mouth, this hand holding a cloth rag. The young woman puts up a violent struggle, but minutes later, her arms drop to her side and her eyes roll to the back of her head. Seconds later, the perpetrator of the chloroforming hefts the woman over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and steps out of the pool. It is the Professor, whose eyes have become vacant red slots, fully overtaken by the Menace entity. With the slumbering female over his shoulder, he lumbers out of the pool area and disappears into the night.


10. BIG GOSSIP ON CAMPUS

Still reeling from the events of the night before, Samantha wakes up and prepares for class. As she opens the door to leave, she is startled to see Crystal already waiting for her. As the two walk to class, they discuss the history of Menace and his strengths and weaknesses. Crystal points out that the Professor must be evil, which is why the armor could be linked to him in the first place. Samantha disagrees, pointing out that life was not simply black or white. She thinks the Professor cannot be evil, and there is another reason for this situation.

As the duo walk across campus, they hear snatches of conversation, strange gossip on a relationship between a professor and a student. As they reach Professor Cameron’s classroom, they see a big screen television, with the Professor and Star having sex from the night before. Samantha scans the room, spying Ralph and Star; Ralph is grinning with glee, while Star has a sad, shameful look on her face. Samantha asks one of the other students about the whereabouts of the Professor. The student answers that the Professor had came, saw the video, and ran from the classroom, abandoning them.

Crystal immediately decides to go after the Professor at his mansion. At first timidly against it, Samantha reluctantly agrees.

Meanwhile, Star shrugs away from Ralph and leaves the classroom, trying to hold back tears. Ralph stops her in the hall, and wonders why she isn’t celebrating with him. She slaps him, telling him that he has humiliated her as well by showing the tape to everyone. Bursting into tears, she tells Ralph that she will apologize to the Professor, and come clean with the whole scheme. Ralph roughly grabs her arm, threatening that if she screws up the third phase of their plan, he would get her back. Star says nothing, only storming off in tears.


11. THE SECRET PASSAGE

Professor Cameron has fled to his mansion. Throwing open the door, he slams it and sinks to the ground in shame. Star had betrayed him. She never loved him. His reputation was ruined. As he lay sprawled against the door, lamenting the turn of events, Menace’s voice suddenly speaks to his mind. Yes, Star had betrayed him. But he deserved it. The world could not be trusted. Only the armor could be trusted. Only the armor would now hide him from the world.

The Professor’s defenses are slowly crumbling. He is not fighting off the influence of the armor as usual. Instead, he finds himself listening and agreeing with it. The Menace armor commands him to “follow it” through the house.

The Professor obeys, and soon he is in the Study, standing before a bookcase. The entity commands him to flips a book backward. When he obeys, it triggers a secret switch. The bookcase slides aside, revealing a secret staircase that travels into an abyss below. Shocked at the discovery, the Professor timidly descends the stairs into the abyss, which is revealed to be a large grimy room that is the size of a coliseum.

In this room are thousands of dusty oil drums. However, when the Professor walks up to one of them and dusts it off, the side of the drum reads “chloroform”. Menace reveals (to the audience) that the Camerons’ family fortune originally came from producing and selling chloroform for medical institutions in the early 20th century.

Astonished at so much chloroform having been stored in his familial home without his knowledge, the Professor backs away instinctively until his elbow hits something cool and smooth. He turns, discovering the object to be a crystal-like glass case filled nearly to the top with water. Inside is the swimmer who was captured the night before. Upon seeing his face, the swimmer screams at the top of her lungs and bangs on the surface in anger, but to no avail. Chuckling gleefully inside Cameron’s mind, the Menace reveals that he has been taking over the Professor’s mind at various intervals, especially at night, when he had the horrible dreams and visions. Shockingly, the entity reveals that the Professor has been working for him ever since the armor first arrived on his doorstep. To accent its point, the underground room is suddenly flooded with brilliant light; revealed are wicked-looking torture chambers and assorted devices, as well as a strange glowing chamber on the far side of the room.

As a token of “kindness”, the Menace entity decides to let the Professor decide his fate: to join the armor in a beneficial and powerful symbiosis….or be taken over by force.


12. A FEW GUESTS

Arriving in Samantha’s beat-up car at dusk, Crystal and Samantha stand before the intimidating gates of the Cameron Estate. Crystal is finally in her trademark “Amazonian” battle uniform: very skimpy cheerleader top (with a star in the center), very short pleated skirt, “utility belt” (which holds her Sai, as well as multiple ninja weapons like throwing stars and pellets), anklets, and transparent geta. Her glasses are now off, and a glittering tiara, a symbol of her royal status, glistens on her head instead. As Samantha reaches to buzz the intercom to be let in, her hand hovers before the button; Crystal has easily scaled the fence surrounding the estate and landed neatly on the other side. She begins to run towards the mansion, but remembering Samantha, turns around, throws a rope over the fence, and tells her partner to climb.

With great difficulty and awkwardness, Samantha climbs the rope over to the other side. As the duo is sneaking through the shadows towards the mansion, Star arrives in her car. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she walks up to the gate and buzzes the intercom. The Professor, in a sluggish voice, answers, wondering who it is. Star begs him to let her in, apologizing furiously for what had unfolded. After a few minutes, the gates swing open, and Star gets into her vehicle. However, she is surprised by three more passengers, Ralph and two of his frat buddies, all dressed in black. As she protests loudly, Ralph covers her mouth with his hand, and asks why she is really here. Star replies that she is only here to apologize for their behavior, as she did not foresee their “harmless prank” getting so far out of hand. Regarding her with distrust, Ralph orders her to keep quiet about the plan and drive to the mansion.

Meanwhile, Crystal and Samantha have arrived outside of the mansion. Samantha starts to walk towards the front door, but Crystal brandishes a grappling hook and rope, which she tosses up towards the roof. Like Batman and Robin in the 1966 TV series, the duo scales the mansion until they reach the roof.

In the interim, Star has reached the front door with Ralph and his friends. Placing a silencing finger to his lips, Ralph chuckles evilly as he and his friends disappear into the shadows of the mansion. Star is alone; she rings the doorbell. No answer. After a few minutes, she nudges the door open and cautiously enters, not knowing what to expect next. The mansion is dark, and seemingly empty, transformed from its familiarity. Star, swallowing her fear, braves the creepy interior until she comes to the Study. Inside, the Professor is reclined behind his desk, starring at her angrily with a bottle of bourbon in one hand, and a just-filled glass in the order. He quickly downs the glass before shouting at her. Star collapses into tears, apologizing for betraying him.


13. BATTLE IN THE ATTIC

Crystal and Samantha reach the roof, where they stumble their way to the attic window. Crystal reveals another ninja device that cuts a perfect hole in the window, where she reaches her hand through and unlatches it. Samantha finds herself wondering if Crystal is a cat burglar or has ulterior motives as she reluctantly follows the Asian girl into the umbra shrouding the attic.

Inside the spooky, gothic-like attic, the air is thick with staleness, dust, and age. The shadows seem to move about as if alive. As the two young women stealthily make their way across the attic, Samantha’s feet clip something lying on its side. As she rises to her feet, she catches a small glimpse of the cause: the freshly deceased, but brutalized body of the kidnapped swimmer. Samantha starts to scream, but Crystal seizes her lips shut. She kneels to inspect the corpse.

Suddenly, Samantha’s eyes catches something moving in the shadows. Is it her imagination?

No. A horrible screeching sound is heard as two red spotlights suddenly flash on, blinding the duo. Crystal leaps protectively before Samantha, her twin Ebony Sai in her hands. The spotlights flash brighter as something is shot through the darkness, the only visual indication is sparks of light flashing from the Sai as Crystal deflects the attack. However, the Asian warrior cries out softly only once, making Samantha jump from behind her. Crystal screams to Samantha to run, before charging towards the spotlights, her Sai held before her.

Samantha obeys quickly, knowing she is powerless in a fight of any kind. She spies a shaft of light that reveals a staircase leading down into the mansion and charges towards it. She tries to ignore the sounds of battle and cries of agony (Crystal’s) in the background as she reaches the landing. Just as her foot lands on the first step, she hears a hissing sound from behind. Suddenly, she feels something cold close vise-like around the back of her neck…fingers. A hand, a cold, metallic-like hand is viciously choking her! Desperately, the young woman clutches at her neck with quickly weakening fingers, standing on tiptoe, with her eyes watering and her mind swimming as her breath is trapped in her lungs. Suddenly, she feels a slight shove that practically sends her tumbling downstairs.

She explodes out of the door into the second floor of the mansion, tumbling to the floor with her Asian comrade. Crystal grimaces as she snatches the hand from Samantha’s tender neck. Coughing furiously, Samantha struggles to regain her breath and her bearings. The metal hand stands on its fingertips, moving about like a giant spider. The sound of its movement sends chills up the heroines’ spines as it vanishes into the darkness beyond the attic door. Measured footsteps, eerie, cunning, and threatening, can be heard as they creep nearer the sprawled pair. Samantha quickly glances as Crystal, noticing two strange objects embedded in her body, causing blood to trickle out of the subsequent wounds: one stiletto-shaped object sticks out of her thigh, and the other out of the right side of her abdomen.

Before they can be removed, however, Crystal hustles Samantha to her feet and orders her to get back a safe distance. The shadows before the attic door seem to come to life as a silvery metal hand suddenly shoots out of the umbra. Crystal barely dodges the first swipe, but is caught off-guard by a second hand violently seizing her throat in a viselike grip. The red spotlights flash again, burning the eyes of the prey in its silvery hand. The brave heroine struggles feebly, her air being cut off, her Japanese sandals practically dangling from her toes as she is suspended in midair.


14. PROFESSOR IS SHOT

While Samantha and Crystal fight for their lives, Star and Professor Cameron are talking to each other. However, while the Professor seems to accept Star’s apology, he is noticeably drunk; for a few minutes, he babbles about a voice that speaks to him, convincing him to do “very bad things”. Star walks over to try and comfort the Professor, offering him words of encouragement and seducing him with her charms, an almost subconscious action.

Suddenly, Ralph and his frat friends, in stocking masks, storm into the Study, demanding money from the Professor. Surprisingly, the Professor remains seemingly unphased. In anger, Star cries out Ralph’s name, revealing his identity. With a grunt of disgust, Ralph pulls off his mask, his jealousy overcoming his common sense. He suddenly pulls out a gun, pointing it at the Professor, and demanding his family fortune. Cameron laughs, pointing out that much of his fortune is kept in various bank accounts.

Ralph, undaunted, demands to know the account numbers, while waving the gun in the Professor’s face. Star, in a mixture of horror and anger, demands to know why Ralph is trying to rob their teacher, changing the plan from prank to actuality. Ralph turns the gun on her, calling her a traitor and whore, a simple-minded floozy. Star screams that he never truly loved her in the first place, and was only with her to get in her pants. He was not like the Professor, a mature man who knew what love truly was.

The Professor, in a drunken rage because of the gun pointed at Star, awkwardly rises from his desk and charges towards Ralph. The attack was so sudden and unexpected that it catches the frat boy off guard. On instinct, he pulls the trigger, shooting the Professor twice in the abdomen.

Star screams in horror, quickly kneeling down and clutching the Professor’s head in her arms as his eyes roll in the back of his head. Ralph stands shocked, his mouth agape as he stare at the smoking gun in his hand. His two frat buddies can do nothing but stare at their leader, powerless in the whole situation. Blinking back tears of fear, anger, and frustration, Ralph turns to his frat buddies and stutters orders to ransack the mansion, in order to make it look as a real robbery. Star sobs that it is a stupid idea, and tells him that he will not get away with it. Ralph, half crying and half sneering, points the gun at her, accusing her of betraying him. However, he is stopped by one of his buddies, who decide to do what they can to cover for their leader.


15. CRYSTAL BREAKS RALPH’S ARM

The sound of the shot echoes throughout the entire mansion like a thunderbolt. The silvery hand clutching Crystal releases its grip, dropping the Asian warrior to her knees. She struggles to regain her breath as Samantha comforts her. The two search the shadows for their assailant, but luckily it bears no fruit. Turning her attention to Crystal’s wounds, Samantha pulls out both stilettos, which are much longer than she anticipates. Crystal cries out and grits her teeth in agony. She then pulls out a strange bottle from her utility belt, twists the cap off, and pours a tiny drop of the contents on both of her wounds. Before Samantha’s astonished eyes, both wounds heal completely.

Samantha asks about the nature of the substance in the bottle. Crystal tells her that it is from a small healing spring back in her home village, used by her people sparingly to heal vicious battle wounds. However, every Amazon abroad only has a very limited supply and must use it as sporadically as possible to maintain it.

A few seconds later, the duo is running through the mansion, towards the direction of the shot. They pass by Ralph’s two subordinates, who flash them startled looks before proceeding into the Study. Shocked at seeing them, Ralph aims his still smoking gun at the duo. Moving with dazzling speed, Crystal manages to knock the gun away…and with pinpoint accuracy and efficiency, breaks Ralph’s arm in the process. Screaming in agony, Ralph stumbles to the wall and slides to the ground, clutching his limp arm in pain. Crystal pays him little attention as she moves to Star, who is sitting hunched over, her knees drawn up protectively to her chin. She is crying, rocking forward and backward, practically in shock. A trail of blood leads from her feet and out of the door. Crystal asks about the whereabouts of the Professor, and Star only nods towards the trail of blood. Crystal orders Samantha to stay with Star, while she follows the trail of blood out of the room. A second later, Ralph, slightly humbled, limps out of the room, leaving Samantha alone to comfort the upset Star.


16. PROFESSOR KNOCKS OUT CRYSTAL/PUTTING ON THE ARMOR

The Asian fighter follows the ghastly trail of blood to the shadow-drenched “trophy room” and towards the exhibition case that holds the Menace armor. The Professor is nowhere to be seen. Feeling watched, the young warrior unsheathes her Sai, inspecting the rows of ancient treasures carefully, cataloged neatly by the Professor from years of his hobby’s pursuit. She lets her battle-horned instincts guide her around the spacious room.

Meanwhile, the Professor begins to speak from the shadows, telling Crystal about how dangerous a weapon the armor really is. He stalks the girl, his hand sliding over the various ancient daggers and swords he has, as if considering which one to kill her with. He lists the knowledge that the armor has accumulated, such as the lost Library of Alexandria (which Menace destroyed), and knowledge on the ancient technology of Lemuria and Mu (which Menace conquered and later destroyed). Crystal warns him about the evil in the armor; Professor Cameron retorts that she had intended to kill him whether he was truly innocent or not because, deep down, she hated Americans…because the relic hunter who murdered her mother was American.

Crystal loses her composure and temper, which is more than enough for the Professor to capitalize. He seizes the young heroine in a hold, and chloroforms her into unconsciousness. As he carefully lays Crystal’s senseless body on the floor, the Menace entity teases him for his desire for mercy, saying that it would be the last time he would show it. The Professor stands up, slowly walking to the display case where the armor is.

As if claiming Excalibur, the display case is bath in an unholy light and opens by invisible hands. Whispering Star’s name in one last breath, his final conscious act, the Professor began to reach for the evil pieces of armor. The first piece he picks up is shape shifts in his hand, nearly cutting his fingers. Each piece of armor has long stilettos that must be injected into the skin to work…as the entity tells him, connect with every nerve in his body. Taking off all of his clothes, the Professor began to put on the first piece, his screams of agony bellowing through the mansion, while rivers of blood pool down his legs and around his bare feet. With each piece of armor placed on his body, flesh is ripped, pierced, and torn without mercy; ancient screws twist undaunted through bone and marrow; the stilettos unmercifully rip through his organs and blood vessels; the small pool of blood suddenly becomes a crimson ocean.

Around the mansion, the other occupants are startled by the anguished shrieks; the two frat subordinates of Ralph pause in their random vandalism, glancing about in fear. Ralph, while walking down one of the shadowy hallways, jumps, visually startled, and hugs the wall, frightened of what would come next. Star insists on finding the Professor, much to Samantha’s chagrin. The two leave the Study, following the blood trail into the Trophy Room…where they find a blood-drenched armored Professor holding the helmet of the Menace in his hands. Despite Star and Samantha’s words, trying to stop the Professor, the man ignores them and puts on the final piece of the armor.

The unearthly screams Cameron released earlier pales in comparison to the last testimonial of agony that leaves his lips. The sharp stilettos in the helmet stab into his face and brain. Two drill-like implements tunnel into his eyes, while a deadly steel-trap-like device pierces and destroys his mouth. The armored Professor gyrates and trembles for a few seconds before the pair as the last vestiges of the Professor are destroyed…replaced by the dominant Menace entity.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team Part Two

Continuing where I left off...for those of you just joining that lonely audience member, I'm essentially putting together the ultimate cheerleader action team to lay the smackdown against mutant redneck cannibals who want to spread their polluted genetic wealth via the horizontal tango. In basic terms, they want to breed, and our cheerleader heroines are their pom-pom and pleated skirt prey. Hey, just walk with me here...close your eyes and picture this as one of those films you stumble up on the SyFy Channel or accidentally choose on the Redbox. Now don't be like me and have your mouth drop, drool splattering against the floor as you thank the B-movie spirits for such a gem.



Be your lovable self, maybe get a six-pack of beer and/or some friends, kick back and prepare to indulge in B-movie goodness. No Bring It On! here. Alright, the rest of the crew:

The fourth member would be: Amber Strickland
Played By: Grace Johnston






Application Status: I plan to expand on my thoughts about 2007's Bloodlines soon, but let it be said here that, and this is only my skewed opinion, but I felt that is squandered tons of exploitative potential...such as Amber's sexiness. In my twisted, fetish-driven mind, she would have looked much, much better in a cheerleader outfit, while battling in the redneck breeding tournament(long story short: the homicidal rednecks would kidnap women, have them fight, and the winner would be forced to breed with the head honcho), using survival skills(I think she even used a bow and arrow) and taking out the redneck trash like a Southern belle mixed with Xena, Warrior Princess.


Skills: Amber's a badass hand-to-hand combatant, demonstrated by easily killing one girl by pushing her nose into her brain. She has survival skills as well, as she was trained by (I assume) her father(Douglas Tait) and her brother(I assume)(Dorian Kingi). In my naive opinion, it seems like she has some army-style combat training. On this team, I could see her as the gun expert, as well as the expert hunter and tracker.


Paraphernalia: I would give her a hunting knife, and maybe later, she would acquire a bow-and-arrow.




The fifth member would be: Kristy


Played by: Elizabeth Mullins







Application Status: As the old saying goes, "Big girls need love too". Kristy is the portly cheerleader in Andre the Butcher, and is the object of teasing by a rival team of cheerleaders just after the credits roll. Thankfully, Kristy's cheerpals, after overtaking the rivals' vehicle, proceed to step out and kick ass. Kristy proves that she's no slouch as a brawler, as her picture demonstrates(she is in the blue uniform), knocking all the siss-boom-baa out of that chick's mouth. She later gets a chance to make-out with Jimbo(Justin Capaz), the manliest male cheerleader ever(i.e. the only one I would tolerate near my ultimate cheerleader team) before she is sadly killed by the eponymous Butcher.

Skills: Kristy is a street fighter, a "straight-up gangsta" in urban vernacular. For humorous purposes, I would write her having brass knuckles, to clobber those mutant rednecks to death.


Paraphernalia: Brass Knuckles, anything she can pick up(Ala Final Fight)




My sixth member would be: Patti

Played by(originally): Kerry Sherman



Application Status: 1977's Satan's Cheerleaders is one of my top favorite cheerleader B-movies, if not THE TOP FAVORITE. After all, it has the perfect mixture of elements that I love: cheerleader heroines, crazy villains, over-the-top antics, and an atmosphere that is tongue-in-cheek. Essentially, the story is about four cheerleaders of a small town who, while on their way to an away game, is forcefully stranded by their school's janitor, who seeks revenge on them for the way he is treated. Sadly, he also is a devil worshipper...and the poor girls and their teacher chaperon soon find themselves on the run from a devil worshipping cult.



I'll probably have a review later on this gem, but, while i love all the girls, my favorite is badass Patti, who stares down Dobermans named LUCIFER and...some other Devil-themed name, creeps out the priestess of the cult, and proves to be the most intelligent of the quartet. Also, she proves to have much more going for her...so much more that I can't risk spoiling it via Skills and Paraphernalia...so she gets none. But IF YOU SEEN THE ENDING TO THIS FILM...THEN YOU ALREADY KNOW HER SKILLS!!!!

See you soon with the final candidates!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Dusty Video Box Presents: The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team Part One

Call it what you will: fetish, obsession, horniness. I love nubile B-movie cheerleaders...I love them very much. And no, I'm not talking about obvious chick flicks like Bring It On or Fired Up...those movies have more guy cheerleaders than girls, and take their sport really seriously. Really, really seriously.

And did I mention how much I hate male cheerleaders(in cinema form, not real life)?

Cheerleaders, possibly one of the top three fantasy chicks that guys would go for, are a well-worn staple of porn. But I'm not talking about those flicks, either. I'm talking about exploitation flicks, or in a broader sense, B-movies. I'm talking about Satan's Cheerleaders and Andre The Butcher. You see, I'm not much of a fan of the straight "sexploitation" of the cheerleader, demonstrated for example in the cleverly named The Cheerleaders. Being more of a slasher fanatic, I always liked them in an action-oriented situation...like running from a mob of devil worshippers, or battling a supernatural cleaver-armed maniac.

But surprisingly, there's a shortage of "cheerleader combat", which, in my opinion, really boggles the mind. You either have disgusting fake-outs like Cheerleader Massacre and A Brush With Death, where they claim to have cheerleaders, but don't...or maybe you'd pick up a movie where you wish the hot lead was in a uniform(at least, I do. But I'm not well). As a budding businessman(i.e. writer), I'm really of two minds here: on one hand, its annoying, because I would love a few more straight-to-DVDs with the keywords: cheerleader, killer, fight,...and the desperate writer in me(i.e. desperate for money) spots a opportunity to make so dough with the right straight-to-DVD production company...like Asylum? Or Troma? Hello?

So, in the spirit of my previous presentation of The Ultimate Sukeban(lead) Gang, and as an American answer to it...as well as in homage to The Expendables, the manliness all-star man movie ever, I present The Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team. The characters and/or actresses selected came from my absolute favorite cheerleader-centric B-movies, from 1977's Satan's Cheerleaders to 2003's Cheerleader Ninjas. These cheerleaders aren't from lame movies where they compete against each other(which is not bad, of course)...but they come from movies where they have to fight for their very lives against the undesirable elements of man and beast!

Let me set up the plot of my dream movie: A team of cheerleaders are on their way to an away game in another town, when their bus breaks down unknowingly in mutant redneck country. A group of disgusting redneck mutants, led by a powerful leader, targets the girls as potential mothers to give birth to the next generation of mutant rednecks. And yes, I lifted that plot from The Hills Have Eyes 2(2007).



The team would be:

The Captain would be: Jasmine Tyner
Played By: April Billingsley

Application Status: As the leader of the four man cheerleader band(three women, and one guy) in 2005's Andre The Butcher, Jasmine was the sexy, crucifix-wearin', switchblade-wieldin', kung-fu cheerleader who also reveals herself to be a hot lesbian as well, in a make-out scene with her co-cheerleader, Cookie(Heather Joy Budner). In the climax of the movie, Jasmine has an awesome one-on-one battle with 'ol Andre...and doesn't back down from the supernatural menace, despite the fact that he shrugs off her karate kicks.

Skills: Besides her mean fighting skills, she's good with a switchblade and voyeurism as well...if that counts as a skill.

Paraphernalia:Her crucifix and trusty switchblade...and maybe a bowl of chili and a can of pears;).


Co-Captain: Fumi
Played By: Vicky Huang

Application Status: There are only three things that are good about 2005's Insecticidal: Samantha McLeod's well-endowed constitution, and Fumi, the awesome Asian student who is highly intelligent and practices with sai. Read that last part again...with. sai. Like the Ninja Turtle Raphael. I'm sure many people read into the character as being a cultural/racial stereotype, but hey...it beats the stereotypes I,a African-American, have to be stuck with! Anyway, what p****** me off about this movie is that Fumi, the Asian chick who demonstrates her skill in martial arts in one form or another...IS KILLED OFF BY A FREAKING GIANT MANTIS!!!

We don't even get a promised showdown, with Fumi kicking butt on those cheap CG insects!! Instead, she's jobbed, and the untrained Caucasians beat the insects and survive. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Would Fumi do better against mutant rednecks? If I was writing it, hell yeah.

Skills: In the film, there is a scene where Fumi practices with sai, seductively. This had me screaming at the movie later, when the giant mantis was fighting her. Why she didn't grab the sai and go all Kill Bill on the things? That would have been the movie I would have written.

Anyway, she seems to have a knowledge of wielding sai/sai training. And unlike that lame movie, in mine, you would see it in action!

Paraphernalia: Her sai



My third member would be: Angela

Played By: Angela Brubaker(on the far right)


Application Status: As the leader and the only "sane man" of the titular Cheerleader Ninjas quartet, Angela bravely lead her less-than-bright group against a evil crew of Catholic Schoolgirls(TM), lead by a former homosexual(sterotypical gay) man who wanted to join the Hamsters cheerleader squad(complete with skirt!), but was throughly rejected. After initially getting their pantied butts handed to 'em, Angela and crew go through a training montage to become ninjas(which include breaking an already broken board and jumping on trampolines) to fight their fetish-inspired rivals, earning the right to carry katanas and use pogo sticks to chase after their enemies!!
Angela and her crew hates nerds the same way that Graydon Creed hates X-men. Wonders of wonders, it is later revealed that she is a nerd(stereotypical nerd), who only joined the squad to get a scholarship.


Skills: Angela would be the brains of this cheerleader squad. Since the film she was in was a spoof anyway, this movie would be a tad more serious. Thus, while she would retain her sarcastic nature, her intelligence would be increased. In the film, she demonstrated some computer skills, thus, she would have them here, although boosted to a Macguyver-esque level. She would demonstrate some limited martial art skills, and limited swordfighting skills; unlike in her initial film, here, it would be mentioned that she gained the training from school activities.

Paraphernalia: Her katana
That's all for the first round. The second group of recruits are coming up soon, so don't go anywhere!!

Future Plans

  • I had started a feature on Marvel Comics' last crossover, SIEGE, but I think I got sidetracked or something. I'll be posting that one of these days.
  • Since I can't talk about ANYTHING directly about my various projects, out of fear of my intellectual properties being stolen...I can hint at them, with various articles. So on the next "Dusty Video Box Presents", I'm finally doing my selections for the "Ultimate Cheerleader Action Team"...essentially an American counterpart to my first feature, "The Ultimate Sukeban(lead) Gang" for "Pinky Violence"(Look it up on here). Also thinking about an "Ultimate Cannibal Clan" feature, based on characters from "Wrong Turn" and "The Hills Have Eyes". I'm still wanting to do that "Blacula's Legion of Doom" feature.
  • I've been wanting to talk about another disturbing film with a lack of exploitation..."Bloodlines". I'm thinking about calling the feature, "They Wasted Good Exploitation", like on the awesome TV Tropes site, which has the "They Wasted A Good Plot" as a trope.
  • Finally, if any of you Dusty Videons are men...and I mean REAL MEN...and I men REAL FREAKIN' MEN(TM), go see The Expendables. Seriously. Don't be a wuss and waste your money on Scott Pilgrim or Vampires Suck...Be A Man and go see that movie.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Cover Tells A Different Story: Cheerleader Massacre

In many of my journeys up and down the video store aisles, I've run across great multitudes of video duds. You know what I mean, those movies that you would pick up because of the awesome cover. You'd go "Hell yeah, that looks cool!", rent that sucker, dance all the way home, pop that bad boy into the DVD player...only to find out that somethings wrong, some great cosmic calculation has misfired, some mystic primordial being is pointing his or her finger at you and laughing.


Essentially, the film in your DVD player doesn't match the one on the box.

Let me give you a recent example of my exposure to a video dud. Basically, I've been hitting the aisles of Blockbuster, thanks to the "5 for $5.00" deal - Five movies, for Five Days, for Five Dollars. You can't really beat this deal, especially if you're like me, and looking for old movies as opposed to new releases(sorry, doesn't extend to them). I came up on this movie titled The Last Resort. Look at the cover...you have a hot chick in a skimpy swimsuit on a beach, with a knife in her hand. Do you get such chewy goodness in the actual movie?

Hell no! The "Resort" of the title is actually some isolated hotel in the middle of Mexico or some place south of the American border. The swimsuits are seen in only one scene, and that's that. There is one nude scene by the Beth character(I think that was her name), but that was it. Long story short, it was a disappointment to me. If I ever do a review on it, I'll go into more detail for the reason why.


Anyway, we're here for this feature's first victim: Cheerleader Massacre!


The Cover Story(What the cover tells you): A group of hot, scantily-clad uniformed cheerleaders are being stalked by a psychotic killer in Dukes of Hazzard-type blue jeans, armed with a chainsaw and a desire to spill cheerleader blood...uniformed cheerleaders' blood. No amount of cheering will save the girls from this maniac!!!


The Cold Hard Truth(What you really get):
How do you f*** this concept up?!

I really don't know what is more disappointing: that this movie, obviously made on a shoe-string budget, was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes(or too lazy), or that this was made by the usually awesome Jim Wynorski. Mr. Wynorski is one of my favorite B-movie/exploitation directors, having created such awesome gems as Chopping Mall(1986), Sorority House Massacre 2(1990), and Hard to Die(1990)(I swear, I'm going to write a remake of both as a trilogy). Yet with Cheerleader Massacre, he drops the ball, beats up the rep, and destroys the playing field.

As I mentioned before, it seems that the director was too cheap to even buy cheerleader costumes. So the image on the cover? Bogus. You don't even know that the girls are cheerleaders in the film after the first five minutes, where they practice a routine in their baggy clothes. After that, they are in their regular clothes, and not even skimpy clothes to highlight their curves(face it people...you do not pick up a movie called Cheerleader Massacre to learn about the human condition).

And there are some really hot chicks in the movie, like the coach, played by Tamie Sheffield, main character Parker Jameson, played by Charity Rahmer(who gets naked for a few seconds in a shower scene), and some big-breasted hiker who gets killed (confusingly) on a rope bridge in the forest. And the rest of the story? Basically, the "cheerleaders", two guys, the cheerleader coach, and the male driver, all drive to an away game when they have car trouble. They find an abandoned house(not really abandoned per se, just someone's vacation home) where they all decide to stay for the night. Meanwhile, an escaped murderer is on the lose, and Sheriff Murdock(Bill Langlois Monroe), his deputy(Gigi Erneta), and Detective Demarco(Melissa Brasselle) race to stop him(and maybe order him a new wardrobe, 'cause that tight jean suit he wears is a nightmare in and of itself!).

Back at the abandoned vacation home, someone is picking the "cheerleaders" and their companions off one by one...and I could care less. There is a small industry of straight-to-video slashers, and the whole appeal of this one(scantily-clad cheerleaders being stalked by a murderer) is lost by the sheer senselessness of not trying to capitalize on the freaking concept! I mean, the freakin' box has "Cheerleaders" in the title, for goodness sake! If you wanted to be so cheap as not to use cheerleader costumes(the equivalent of Batman without a costume), you could have called the movie Snow Massacre. Lord knows that is what is seemed like, with the girls all bundled up, and snow on the ground. Christmas Massacre could have been another title used.

Another travesty was marketing this as a sequel to the Slumber Party Massacre series. Now, let me explain...see, in Sorority House Massacre 2, a sequel to the horrible Sorority House Massacre, Wynorski used footage from the first Slumber Party Massacre to explain the origin of the film's villain, Ketchum. Taking scenes where the Slumber Party villain stalks the main heroine and one of her friends, this is changed in Sorority House to Ketchum stalking and killing one of his daughters. Being the creative mind behind the Sorority House series, you'd think this movie would be a sequel to that film continuity(no matter how extremely loose it was). However, the director confuses matters even more by using Brinke Stevens, a star from the original Slumber Party Massacre...whose character was killed off from what I understood!
So What Have I learned?: I just don't understand why there couldn't be actual cheerleaders in the movie, LIKE ON THE COVER OF SAID MOVIE. I've noticed that even B-movie/exploitative movie companies ignore the elements of psychotic slashers and cheerleaders. I would rather pay to see that, than another Last Resort or some big fakeout like this...and from one of my favorite directors too!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

It Came From The Video Store!: Cheerleader Ninjas

Where do you go to find religious mothers trying to take over the Internet with pictures of the Pope? Or clashes between ninja cheerleaders and trashy Catholic schoolgirls? Or geeks in assorted Starfleet and Star Wars uniforms, who drink William Shatner Beer and sing one of the funniest songs known to B-movie kind? Or sex symbol Kira Reed, naked except for a blue cheerleader skirt and a smile? Welcome to the world of Cheerleader Ninjas.

The Front Row: Four cheerleaders from Happy Valley High, home of the Hamsters(with trademark Hamster-Cam...you have to see the movie to get what I'm talking about), are targeted by a band of fanatical Christian ladies, who see them as the main reason for the "smut" that dominates the Internet. The leader of the quartet, Angela(Angela Brubaker), and her band battle sexy Catholic schoolgirls led by a former gay male cheerleader who seeks revenge. And oh yeah, a villain behind the scenes known as Mr. X seeks to upload a virus onto the Internet, turning everyone into zombies.

Box of Whoppers(The Delicious): This movie throughly enjoys its B-movie trappings, including many hilarious scenes, and one of the greatest songs I've ever heard, sung by Maverick and his crew of nerds.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): If you're not into sexual or toilet humor, this might not be for you.

Concession Stand(Where to Buy): You can see it here, on Hulu.

See Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVlZVMiPcgk

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It Came From The Video Store!: Andre The Butcher

One has to admire the creators of 2006's Andre The Butcher for keeping their biggest surprise underwraps: famous(or infamous, depends on the side of the issue you stand) porn star and VH-1 Surreal Life participant Ron Jeremy as the title antagonist...a supernatural killer with a welder's mask, bloody dress-clothes, and a penchant for hunting humans, devouring their remains, and harvesting their souls for the big head honcho of Hell.

The Front Row: Three female cheerleaders, stoic team captain Jasmine(April Billingsley), flirtatious Cookie(Heather Joy Budner, complete with No Nudity Clause), and portly Kristy(Liz Mullins) are being escorted to cheerleader regionals by their male cheerleader companion, Jimbo(Justin Capaz) through the isolated backwoods of Florida. When the foursome crash their car, thanks to erotic shenanigans between Cookie and Jimbo, they, seeking help, discover a fully-furnished house in the middle of nowhere.

Taking refuge there, they are soon stalked by Andre, but not before a parade of bizarre characters show up at the homestead: two recently escaped convicts, Hoss(Maury Sterling) and Tober(Alan Fessenden), Sheriff Cooper(Terry Mross), and Coffy-inspired Deputy Hollingsworth(Faye Canada). All of the bloody proceedings are told by the Narrator(Gene Hash), who makes it clear that his “gay cheerleaders” only mean spirited and cheerful cheerleaders.

Box of Whoppers(The Delicious): Despite sharing some cliches with numerous straight-to-video slasher films, Andre the Butcher manages to showcase effort in the story department not shared by its fellow DVD horror titles. Instead of relying only on the novelty of Ron Jeremy's role, the creators introduces a few twists and turns to the narrative, such as Andre's true motives, Hoss's true identity, and for the exploitative fan in all of us, Jasmine's secret sexual desires. The film also provides several fun characters, such as a deputy, sliced in half by Andre, that continues to live...and begs anyone stumbling upon him to put him out of his memory.

Sticky Floors(The Nasty): The floors are not sticky in this film.

Concession Stand(Where to Buy): Andre The Butcher can be purchased at any bargain bin at Blockbuster Video.

See Trailer:
 

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