Wine Biz Interview #10 The Most Famous Wine Writer In The World, Eric Asimov

So I heard you’re like famous and junk, so how’s about telling me where you work?

Famous? Hardly. Junk? Maybe. The New York Times, of course!

You are aware that I asked that just so the first thing people read would let them know how wicked cool I am to be granted such an interview right?

Sam, I wouldn’t be talking to you unless you were cool. “Wicked’’ makes it sound like you’re a Red Sox fan or something crazy like that.

How long have you been writing for (ahem) The New York Times and was wine your first gig there?

I’ve been at The Times since 1984, before you were born, I think. Didn’t start writing regularly until 1992, when I began reviewing cheap, offbeat restaurants. I started writing about wine, too, in 1999, and full-time about wine in 2004.

When did you first discover that you had not only a passion for wine but a talent for articulating it?

Let’s just say that I used to write beer reviews for my high school newspaper, and they were well received. Things were different back in the 1970s.  To be honest, conveying passion is never hard. Describing taste sensations and flavors in a way that is meaningful always is.

Can you remember the first wine that flipped your switch?

When I was a grad student at UT Austin in the early 1980s , my friends and I often drank wine with dinners. Of course it was wine on a student budget – big bottles of  Minervois, that sort of thing. One day in 1982, for whatever reason, I splurged on an $8 bottle, a 1978 barbera d’Alba from Giacomo Conterno. Just luck that I blundered into it. It was a revelation, unforgettable – the clarity of flavors, the shapely intensity of the fruit, the refreshment. I vowed back then that I would  take whatever steps were necessary to insure that I would always drink that well. 

Boxers or briefs?

You’re not serious, are you?  You honestly believe those are the only choices available to men?

I find that Rombauer Chardonnay makes me gag, you ever experienced that sensation with a wine?

More with wine writers than with wine.

You are often charged with having an Old World palate….do you hate America?

That’s just crazy. Who says that, anyway? I do have my own palate, and I don’t feel that I should pander to anybody by being uncritical. America makes wonderful wines and it makes bad wines, just as Europe and everyplace else does.

How do you feel about, and what do you think the future is for wine blogging?

I was happy to see that Decanter recently named the “Wine Blogger’’ among the 50 most powerful figures in wine. Bloggers have been instrumental in increasing the variety of points of view heard about wine, and making people feel more comfortable. The future? As long as Apple doesn’t invent an app that does the job, we will continue to hear more voices regardless of the specific form or platform.

Ever chap your hide that you are among the most respected of all wine writers and have, as of yet, not won a wine blog award?

I don’t consider myself a blogger since the Pour blog’s demise. And no, I’m happy that the awards have not gone to corporate bloggers. 

Have you ever sneezed while peeing?

Was you ever bit by a dead bee?

As a fellow lover of lower alcohol and less extracted wines I have to ask, you ever feel like there is a massive double standard when it comes to what is deemed “acceptable” when discussing your preference?

Well, since you put it that way….I have noticed that some people have gotten upset if I try to highlight other styles of wine, which, over the last decade or so, got virtually no critical praise. I don’t remember them getting upset when James Laube suggested Monte Bello was better suited for chardonnay than cabernet sauvignon, or when Parker criticized Steve Edmunds for making French-style wines in California.

Do you consider yourself a critic or a reporter?

I consider myself a wine writer. However, my job title at the NYT is wine critic, which I think is important, at least in the nomenclature of the NYT.  It means that The Times considers wine, like art, film, books, food , theatre, architecture etc., an expression of culture worth discussing and analyzing. It’s more than just a beverage in a glass. We didn’t have a wine critic before 2004, which shows both how far wine has come in the United States, and how lucky I was to benefit from decades of Frank Prial’s brilliant work.

Hangover cure of choice?

Water. Lots of it. And Underberg.

Your most cringe inducing wine comment is?

“Killer.’’

Single worst wine you’ve ever tasted?

Purged my memory.

Is there a wine that still haunts you? One that slithers along your spine and digs it nails into your back…..left a whisper that you are still following?

I hope whatever I’m drinking with dinner tonight…..

Guilty pleasure drink?

Lemon-lime Gatorade.

Is there a wine writer, now or historically, that makes you say, “Damn, I wish I could have written that”?

Frank Prial. Hugh Johnson. A.J. Liebling. Andrew Jefford. Robert Camuto. People who can place wine in the context of culture without unduly fetishizing esoteric aromas and flavors.

How many wine blogs do you read on a regular basis?

Nowadays, whichever I get directed to by Twitter.

Playing rock star in your car, who do you pretend to be?

How about with an iPod on the Subway? Hank Williams, Howlin’ Wolf, John Coltrane, John Lee Hooker, Merle Haggard…..

Dry boogers, ever an issue when evaluating wine?

I try to avoid solids in wine.

Last two publications on the rack; Wine Advocate or US Weekly…what do you grab?

Wine Advocate. I’m a subscriber.

Is there a winery or winemaker that you find hits your, “Damn” button every time?

Do men have “Damn’’ buttons? I’m not sure.  I get a lot of chills in my neck and shoulders, though…..

Stumbling home from a long night of over consumption, what do you eat?

My mattress.

Percentage of overall consumption red to white?

40 percent to 60 percent

Chocolate and wine, yay or nay?

Ugh.

I’ve heard, (and yes I am boasting a bit) that you read this stupid blog of mine from time to time…how the hell did you end up here?

I probably googled  wine and lingerie, or something.

You have a way of writing that is so precise and focused but still informs and leaves us twitching to get our hands on that thing, that thing you just told us about…how do you do that? Is it like the, “take a look in the mirror and the most glaring object, remove it” kind of deal or is it really just that easy for you? (and yes, I am glaring at you)

If only you knew how difficult answering this questionnaire is!

If you had to describe your passion for wine, without words, by sharing three bottles with me, what would they be?

Impossible question! OK, I will finesse this by ruling out the historically great wine regions: No Champagne, no Burgundy, no Bordeaux. Let’s instead have three bottles nobody ever heard of, which I think express cultures that have developed over the course of centuries. We’ll start with a rosé from Iroulegy, from grapes grown in the Basque country in the southwest corner of France, a wine that transcends the notion that rosé is innocuous, and connotes mountains, hard work, sweat and pleasure. Then, to bring it home, a white from California, from Napa Valley, no less, a wine that represents free-thinking individualism, that goes against everything that people assume about Napa. It’s the Napa White from Matthiasson, a family venture that epitomizes the do-it-yourself American ethos that we venerate so freely in mythology but so rarely in real life. It’s a blend of grapes rarely associated with Napa, like ribolla gialla, tocai friulano and sémillon, along with sauvignon blanc. Finally, we must have a red. I want one wine that is indisputably great, yet also an example of uncompromising passion. I would choose a bottle – let’s make it a magnum! – of 1971 Monfortino from Giacomo Conterno, the same producer who made my formative bottle of barbera d’Alba . It’s a wine that quite simply leaves me speechless, which is the absolute best response a wine writer can have.  

The most frustrating part of your job as Most Famous Wine Writer in the World?

Parting the screaming crowd as I try to make my way to the limo that will carry me to my private jet for lunch on my terrace on the Côte d’Azur. Actually, you’re confusing me with Steve Heimoff. I’m the Most Handsome Wine Writer in the World.

You are invited to a party and bring a chilled bottle of Muscadet but when you walk in and hand your refreshing gift over are handed a glass of Molly Dooker Blue Eyed Boy….what do you do?

I say, “Thank you.’’ I firmly believe that bottles given to the hosts are for the hosts to enjoy on their own time.

Three wine bloggers you would love to spend an evening eating and drinking with?

You, Renee Zellweger and Keira Knightley. You all write about wine, right?

Worst trend in wine in the past ten years?

I actually think more great wine from more different places in a great diversity of styles is available today than ever before. Are there pernicious trends? Yes, mostly having to do with marketing, pandering, fad chasing, wine manipulation, etc. But, as with anything else, you have to learn to steer clear of the bullshit.

Most exciting?

The understanding that wonderful wines can come from all over the wine-producing world, not just those pantheon regions focused on obsessively by most wine publications.

When you read a wine description that is all, “Laced with Colombian coco, Washington cherries, #2 pencil lead, currants, mustard seed, sweaty leather and pork rinds” or whatever do you think the writer is crazy, has a brilliant palate or is full of absolute shit?

Delusional conveyance of useless information.

Region you find yourself drinking above all others?

These days, I’m fascinated with Sicily. Also the Jura, the Loire, the Mosel, Jerez, Beaujolais, Valtellina, Santa Cruz Mountains.

 

Advice for delusional bloggers that wish to make wine writing their full time gig?

Go for it! But don’t drain off the trust fund.

Gary V, super genius or crank yanker?

Genius. And a nice guy. And a great Jets fan!

Orange wines, fad or here to stay?

A fad since 1500 B.C.

If I told you that the night I heard that you not only knew who I was, but that you read and respected my writing was one of the most affirming and proudest moments of my wine and blogging career…would you let me kiss your adorable face and share a glass of Champagne with me?

Aw, Sam, make it a bottle and you’re on.

Interview With The HoseMaster of Wine

When did you begin blogging and why?


I think I started my original blog back in 1971, which forced me to invent the Internet in order to publish it for no reason and no money. As an aside, I never wanted to call it the Internet. I wanted to call it Cyberteabagging, but my mother wouldn’t let me. She could be very teste.

No, I first published HoseMaster of Wine in September of 2008. I had stumbled onto wine blogs, and on one of them I noticed the little tab at the top that said “Start Your Own Blog.” Turns out any moron could start a blog, and I had impeccable moron credentials, so I just sat down and started writing jokes about wine and wine appreciation. Only my wife read it, and that was at gunpoint.

I began blogging simply to exercise my long dormant comedy writing genes. It was essentially a cry for help, sort of like Gwyneth Paltrow’s singing. I have no idea why anyone continued to read it. I only know that the joy of coming up with completely stupid jokes returned me to my childhood love of writing comedy. A journey that mattered to me greatly after my Mother died in 2007.

How many times have you “retired” now?

I’m just trying to start a trend. Hoping other wine bloggers will follow suit, make the world safe for originality again.

The first incarnation of HoseMaster lasted six months before I pulled the plug. Someone had to do it, the damned thing was brain dead. Though I do miss the convenience of a feeding tube. I completely deleted the original HoseMaster of Wine from the blogosphere, though it is available in a German language edition on iTunes under LederHosenFuhrer Von Wein. Six weeks later I returned, beginning with the now famous post “I’m Baaaack.” That’s around when my blog started to get infamous. I think I took another hiatus in there somewhere. Then I finally walked away last August. Always give the public what they want.




Where did you begin your wine career?

A better question would be “Why?” I first started actively pursuing wine (in a VW squareback filled with fertilizer and accelerants) around 1975. I think I was the first subscriber to “Connoisseurs’ Guide to California Wine,” which back then was published on an Etch-A-Sketch. And made more sense. Robert Parker was still an attorney, whose advice one followed at ones own risk. You finish the joke. I landed my sommelier job at Pacific Dining Car in 1987 and was there for 19 years, at which time my ankle bracelet was removed and I published a book entitled, “Secret of a Sommelier,” which consisted of the single line, “We don’t know crap about wine either.”

How did The HoseMaster of Wine come about?

A serious addiction to alcohol.

I don’t know that there’s an answer to this question. I know enough about wine to be dangerous, but I felt that my contribution to the wine discussion would need to be satirical. There’s little humor in the wine blog world, and the wine world in general. There are a lot of bloggers who were told at some point in their lives that they were funny. But, then, someone once told Greta van Susteren cosmetic surgery would make her look better instead of looking like she has a permanent wedgie. The only bloggers that are actually funny don’t honestly know they’re funny--WineHarlots, ChronicNegress, Corks and Caftans jump to mind. I felt a patriotic compulsion to play the Fool, a noble part, and thus the HoseMaster, and my old comic “voice” with a new name, was reborn.

Boxers or Briefs?

Depends.
Super-Absorbent.
Under my briefs.
For when I sneeze while peeing.




You are rather infamous for making fun of wine bloggers but are there any blogs you read and actually like?

Samantha, you know that I read and love your work. It gets tough after that. What you possess singularly among the wine blogs that I’ve read, which are few in that great big used car lot that is wine blogs, is a unique and powerful voice. I know Steve Heimoff eloquently said at the last WBC what I’ve long believed--there are few genuine, compelling voices writing wine blogs. This is not to say you need to be a talented, interesting writer to start a wine blog any more than you need to be talented or interesting to work for Fox News--an expensive toupee and no shame are plenty. But I care very little for opinions expressed in a dull and predictable and boring voice. It’s why I stopped talking to myself and took up jai alai.

This is the question every other blogger skips to, dreading to see their name mentioned. Aside from your blog, Samantha, I do, on occasion, read Alfonso’s blog “On and On and On and On and On and On the Wine Trail in Italy.” Alfonso must have been Dante in a previous life, and is now being punished. But you never know what he’s going to say or how he’s going to say it, and that makes for compelling prose. I can hardly wait to read his English language version. I also read Steve Heimoff’s blog because his is the rare blog that shows actual thought and work put into it. Not by him, but his commenters. But one reads Heimoff for the business end of wine, the tasting and analyzing and folderol--one reads you and Alfonso for the simple joy of writing.
This is like an Oscar speech. Have I left anyone out? Oh no, the orchestra is beginning to play...

Name 2 wine writers whose work makes sense to you.

There is no one currently writing who can carry Gerald Asher’s luggage. Whereas a PR guy like Tom Wark repeatedly, and delusionally, says that this is the Golden Age of wine writing (well, OK, if one believes in showers of the same persuasion), I contend that very little being written now will be referenced even ten years from now, when I’ll be retiring for the 700th time.

There’s journalism, and there’s wine writing; just like there’s literature and there’s opinion pages. There are wonderful journalists I can read--Charlie Olken, Steve Heimoff, Jancis “Here’s to you Mrs.” Robinson, and the guy who writes the Trader Joe’s newsletter. But Gerald Asher writes literature about wine. This is a rare gift.
Unsolicited praise--your posts are often what I’d call literature, too, Samantha. Asher writes from an historical viewpoint, you write from the emotional and visceral viewpoint. Nice bookends.




Does your work make sense to you?

No, because it’s not work, nor do I treat it as work. It’s idle surrender to my twisted subconscious. Bloggers who view blogging as work make it sound like work, and that’s not appealing to readers. They have little energy or originality, and their posts show it transparently. They are tired and their sentences are tired. You can’t wait to get to the end of their posts.

But that’s avoiding the question. I learned early in life that I was no judge of what’s funny to other people. I hate everything I write, and simply cannot be in the same room with anyone who is reading my words. So I don’t care about making sense except in the twisted logic of what satire demands. Comedy is about making sense of a world that makes no sense. That can only lead to less sense, which is what’s funny.

What would you like to see more of in the wine blog world?

Coupons
Tributes to Don Pardo
Spellcheck
More people with intials after their names, like MS, MW, CSET, DOA, MIA, BILF, Jr.
A WBC Award for Blogger Most Often Retired
Links to Sites with Viruses

I’m never going to read a lot of wine blogs. No one does, except other bloggers. And former NFL offensive linemen. Humans have a need to be heard. I think it started with the Elephant Man. Wine bloggers want to be admired and read, but when it’s pointed out that they have little talent or expertise they say, Well, I just write this for my friends, “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Well, no, but you’re ugly as Tuscan Cabernet.
All this to say, it doesn’t matter. Wine blogs will not improve from where they are, nor will they get worse. Sort of like your brother in the padded helmet.

Less of?

Chest beating about the importance/relevance/power of wine blogs. Shut up. You’re the guy with the bullhorn and the pee-stains shouting the end of the world is coming May 21st. You’re the only one who believes it, and you’re starting to smell.




Have you ever sneezed while peeing?

Only because I’m allergic to priests.

What one parody did you get them most attention for?

I have been told over and over, even very recently by 1WineDoody, that my parody of Alice Feiring made folks cringe. I’m not especially proud of that, though I’m certainly not ashamed. There is a line in satire, with every subject, that when you cross it, it goes from being funny to being horrifying and tasteless and gratuitously cruel. The satirist’s job is to walk up to that line, put all ten toes on it, and, then, just when everyone thinks you’re going to cross it, you pull back. A lot of people expressed to me that they thought I crossed that line in the “Mis(s) Feiring” piece. I got a lot of angry mail, a lot of angry reaction. That kind of attention means you did it right.
Folks who want to be famous for their work, who want public admiration and approval, who want their peers to listen to them, are always comic figures. Alice is, in my eyes, a hugely comic figure, as is Alder Yarrow and STEVE! and Parker and Laube and the outrageous buffoon Gary V. The smart ones know it. The others simply can’t believe they can possibly be the object of scorn.

Do you have a favorite character in the MS Conspiracy?

I have a fondness for Tiny. Which makes no sense to 90% of your readers, Samantha, who wonder who the hell the HoseMaster is and why you’d want to interview him. It’s like watching the arrivals on the Red Carpet at the Oscars and they stick a mic in front of Stephen Baldwin. Who gives a crap what he has to say, and why does he look like Nick Nolte’s mugshot?




Who was the model for Avril Cadavril?

In two years of writing endless stupidity, the name for the coroner in The MS Conspiracy, Avril Cadavril, is the only thing I wrote that still makes me laugh.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

I’ll do the jokes here.

Gruner Veltliner is dead, do you feel responsible?

I was a wine blogger, with the same amount of influence as other wine bloggers. My oft-stated dislike for Gruner Veltliner had about as much effect as a 94 point score in “Wine and Spirits” magazine. None.
And it’s far from dead. It just smells that way.

What one piece of advice would you give wine bloggers?

Spend more time in the real world. Step away from the computer, embrace your life, it’s slipping through your fingers while you spend it regurgitating uninspired prose and borrowed thoughts. No one will miss your blog.

Do you ever miss blogging?

Not in a powerful way or I’d go back to it. I do miss being the ringmaster of what was quite a collection of characters in my comments section, but, as I just said, that’s a poor substitute for real life.

But, you know, who wouldn’t miss the long, wasted hours at the keyboard, the nagging feeling you have 24 hours a day that you need to come up with another idea for a post, checking your email every twenty minutes hoping for another comment even though your post has been up for four days, the satisfying feeling of being completely unappreciated for your talent? That stuff’s addictive.
And, anyway, I still write whenever the urge hits me. I just don’t publish most of it. I let a few friends read it, and I file it away under Wasted Time. It’s my life, if Charlie Sheen can waste his, I can waste mine.




Has meeting a fellow blogger ever softened your opinion of them and or their blog?

No. I never confuse the blog with the blogger. A lot of people wanted to meet the HoseMaster, and, believe me, I’m a huge disappointment whether you love me or hate me. So I would never project my feelings about a person’s blog onto the person himself. If I hate a blog, I don’t necessarily hate the person. Even W. Blake Gray. Though I’m thinking of changing my name to H.M.W. Ron Washam.

Did you ever feel bad about anything you wrote or anyone you picked on?

Of course not. I never insulted people for the color of their skin, or their sexual persuasion, or their appearance or their anosmia. I satirized them on the playing field they willingly entered. I had many bloggers asking me to insult them, spoof them, mention their name. I ignored those bozos. Satire is, in my mind, one of the most important weapons in the human arsenal. It has changed the world often and almost always for the better, which is more than one can say for poetry or Sarah Palin. I always took the business of comedy seriously. A lot of people hated the HoseMaster of Wine. I felt bad about that. But never about what I wrote.

Anyone you wish you would have skewered before hanging up your keyboard?

Absolutely. The wine blog world has only gotten more sanctimonious and more unethical since I walked away. There were a lot of easy targets I left behind. And a lot of targets in the wine business I thought about having some fun with. But that would be an alternate universe I’ll leave to Stephen Hawking, whose much funnier than I am, and a better dancer.




Do you think our online love affair bugs the shit out of people?

Yes, I think it’s incredibly obnoxious to most people, and that what you and I found endearing and witty and sexy, everyone else thought was nauseating. So we’re just like Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.

Do you care?

What other people think of us? Surely, you jest.

Given what you know now….would you do it again? (blogging not our love affair)

Of course. Hell, I did it four times. And, you know, it wasn’t easy walking away from all that money.

Have you ever bought a wine because of something you read on a wine blog?

I bought a few wines that you recommended, Samantha. But reading wine blogs for wine recommendations is like taking dating advice from a 14-year-old.

If you owned a winery who would you send samples to?

My urologist, Major League Baseball, and Rush Limbaugh.

What really happened with Tom Wark and Minnie Ennial?

I believe you mean the world famous wine blogger Millie Ennial. Tom, and every other wine public relations professional, has a wee boner for anything Millie Ennial. She, frankly, doesn’t give a damn. She’s all about FaceBook, Twitter, and her miniature chihuahuas which act as her personal vibrators. All the wine pros want into Millie Ennial’s pants. So far, Millie doesn’t even know they’re alive.




If I told you that I think you are one of the most brilliant writers I have ever had the pleasure to read and that meeting you has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received….would you give me a hug?

I was taught to simply say thank you to a compliment, whether I deserved it or not. So thank you, My Gorgeous Samantha. The best thing to come out of HoseMaster of Wine for me was our relationship. I shall be forever grateful to the Cyberteabagging for that. And, yes, of course, you can have a hug. Is that all you want?

I would like to thank my beloved Ron Washam for taking the time to grant me this interview. Sure I had to wait in line behind The Washington Cage Liner and The Temecula Chronicle to get it....that and the secret deal of a French Maid's costume, (for the love of all that is holy Ron, please wash it before returning it this time. I don't mind letting you barrow the damn thing but it took me weeks to get the Cheese Doodle stains out last time) but it was worth the wait.
Stumbling upon that I'm Baccckk post changed much for this, at the time, struggling wine blogger. It changed the way I wanted to write, pushed me to not only keep writing but to explore stepping out of the constraints of "usual" wine blogging and the relationship that began with my laughing my ass off and thinking, "God, who is this guy? I want to know more" has brought me more joy, made me feel more loved and admired than I ever dreamed possible....




Thank you for everything Ron, you sir have changed my life for the better and while I miss The HoseMaster of Wine it was always the mind and man behind it that matters to me.

Wine Biz Interview #8 Retailer Randy Kemner Owner of The Wine Country

When I first had the idea to turn my "Shoe On The Other Foot" interview with Tom Wark into a series of wine business related interviews, (as they are anyway) I knew I had to include a retailer. Now at first I thought it might be best to look outside the family as it were and pose my questions to a retailer that I was not so closely connected to, or one who's customers might not read this blog but as with many of my ideas, that was just stupid. I got up the nerve to ask the owner of the store where I work, the man that brought wine into my life and the man who is partially responsible for the woman I am now....I asked and he gave me the cutest little shrug and said, "Sure!"

Much like the interview I did with Michael Sullivan I struggled for questions and wrestled with my overwhelming urge to be protective which basically means I had to go to Randy and tell him that I was worried about asking him silly shit....Charlie Olken and Alice Feiring no problem, freaking Randy Kemner and Michael Sullivan and I'm in a full on panic, such a tard.....Randy's reply, "I was a man whore at one time, well not a whore really because I didn't get paid for it but...." this conversation went as most do with Randy when he feels like chatting which is to say, on forever. The outcome was as it often is, Randy telling me it was fine and to do my thang. I did and here he is, my mentor, my beloved boss and one of the sweetest most important men in my life, Randy Kemner, owner of The Wine Country.

How long have you been in the wine business?

27 years, 3 months and 24 days, but who’s counting? On the other hand, if you’re asking how long I’ve supported the wine business, that’s 40 years this coming September, my 40th anniversary of turning 21.

What inspired you to open a retail wine shop?

My business partner in my wholesale wine business wanted to buy me out and convincingly suggested I open a retail shop. There were no wine shops within a 30 mile radius that did what I wanted to do, so I thought it was a good idea at the time. I needed a job, and I was unqualified to work for anybody. Luckily, I like wine, so if you have to sell something for a living—and who doesn’t?—wine beats the hell out of women’s shoes. Or mortuary supplies.

What would you say was the least expected obstacle on the retail side of the wine business?


There are so many “least expected” obstacles I don’t know where to begin.
Learning that the health department required a Sloan valve on your men’s room urinal was a big one.

Another early obstacle was hassling Bordeaux and its negociant system. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that a wine so simple to understand would be so hard to buy and sell competitively.

I couldn’t believe some wineries wouldn’t offer their wines to me because of stupid things like waiting lists.

I was shocked to learn that Costco was selling wine for less money than the big distributors were offering it to me.

I was also surprised that I could sell $2 million dollars worth of wine in a year and lose money doing it.

On the public relations side, it is really hard to draw attention to your business without participating in a major scandal. Print ads are expensive and aren’t very effective, nor are cable TV ads. Direct mail is even more expensive, and hiring clowns on the sidewalk with those spinning arrows raises all kinds of insurance issues.



Has your vision for the store remained the same or have your customers, staff, suppliers and the market ever shifted your position?

Interestingly, I recently re-read my very first newsletter, written largely before I opened the store in the fall of 1995. In it I wrote an introductory essay introducing me and The Wine Country to the world. I pretty much touched on the same themes that guide us today: the importance of wine and the table, and recognizing our role as message bearers from wine growers in faraway places working the land for our pleasure. Respect for our customers, that sort of thing.

When I first conceptualized the store I thought customers would beat a path to my door if I offered the finest wines at the lowest prices. But after I opened I was surprised to discover that people didn’t come to our store for big national brands—even when we offered the lowest prices in southern California—so we failed to reach my overly ambitious sales goals. Even before our first anniversary it was clear I had to raise prices a bit or go under, sacrificing my competitive edge. It wasn’t long after that I realized that I’d have to give up certain products that used up capital and didn’t produce, and those products were all in chain stores. I had to tell my suppliers who sold wine to Costco to sell it all to them. I quit selling Woodbridge, Moet, Kendall Jackson and prestige wines like Dom Perignon. And for the most part, people stopped asking for them, if they ever did at all.

In short, I learned, to my utter disappointment, that I couldn’t be all things to all people, but I also began to carve out a special niche for ourselves—ignoring Parker points and Suckling scores and actually leading our customers back to a more traditional relationship with their wine merchant. Now we talk and listen to each other.
Much like Michael Sullivan you forced me out of my shell, you ever wish you could stuff me back in?
Never. Now if you could only learn to drive the freeways and enjoy teaching Beginning Wine classes I would consider that a triumph

Your newsletter is one of the most talked about on the retail side of this business, how much time do you spend writing it?

Back when I did all the store’s wine buying I would write it on and off for three weeks, then work on it full time day and night for an entire week, writing it at home to avoid pesky distractions like customers asking for help and suppliers asking for money. In recent years, with all my wine buyers contributing wine reviews and articles, I still write it on and off for three weeks in the morning and a bit in the evening, then wait for them to send their contributions. I give them a deadline one week before the printer’s deadline, but procrastinators force me to work pretty hard for four or five days to sew the whole thing up. There have been too many times when I had only two hours before deadline to edit, typeset, add graphics and make sure the page count is in multiples of four. I hate when that happens.




You ever want to say something in the pages of your newsletter but scrap it in order to remain politically correct?

It isn’t being politically incorrect I’m afraid of—I’ve always liked tweaking convention. It’s pissing off customers. Of course I’m always tempted to call out the loonies, but I learned the hard way that political convictions have no place in my newsletter unless it pertains particularly to wine consumers’ interests. Any other blathering isn’t likely to change any minds, but it will alienate customers. A lot of them these days. A reader told me that as he cancelled his subscription.

How do you feel about wine blogs?

I think it’s a lot of work for so little gain. Most of what I’ve read is pretty trite—there are few insights, a lot of popping off. I prefer learning from people who actually have a life
.
You ever thought of even considered starting one?

I don’t have the time to learn how to work the store’s cash register, let alone chain myself to another time-consuming obligation. Besides, I don’t have that much interesting to say.

Besides mine, (thank you by the way) are there any wine blogs you visit regularly?

No. Yours is the only wine I’ve found with sex in it. Somebody told me about the Hosemaster of Wine, but I haven’t been able to find it.




Is there any area of your store, any department that the wines just don’t do it for you?

I’m really overdue for an infusion of inspiration from the New World. For now those wines hurt me when I drink them. Too many Spanish wines have followed the high-alcohol, sweet fruit suit. High-brow southern Rhones are too strong anymore. And white Rhones have always been difficult for me.

So I was wondering, all those years as a piano player…dark lusty bars in the seventies, women openly exploring their sexuality for the first time, like ever so….drunk chicks proceed with caution or fair game?

Hey, I was the young guy then. Who screwed who?Single worst bottle of wine you have ever had?

There are a lot of damaged wines I’ve encountered along the way, but I really remember the foul aftertaste after I drank a cooked, over-the-hill bottle of Bouchard Bourgogne that was pretty foul. More recently I was served a glass of Clos du Bois Chardonnay at an art reception and wondered who in the world truly likes this wine.

Best bottle?

I can still remember the aroma and flavor of the ’64 Latour I drank in 1970. But I don’t know if it was any more earth-shattering than a Tempier rosé on a hot day with a Grand Aioli. And the aged Vieux Télégraphe we had with cheese that evening. And the Paul Bara Rosé Champagne after my last wedding. There really aren’t any best bottles—there are best moments with wine. Unless you count red burgundy. And aged port. And…




Those bags of Hershey minis, which tiny bar do you reach for first?

It’s a tie between Mr. Goodbar and Krackel, the one with Rice Krispies in them. I’ll give away the dark chocolate pieces unless I’m desperate. If the package has Hershey’s almond minis, they win. I’ve been known to down a whole bag of those, but don’t tell my wife. She thinks I’m on a diet.

You have railed against scores and Mr. Parker, ranted even….you ever wish you had just taken the easy road and bought wines based on print media scores?

Early on I thought about it. What convinced me to reject the idea was the possibility I wouldn’t be able to sell all the 92 point wines I owned. Then I would be full of a store with wines I didn’t know about, didn’t care about and probably didn’t like to drink. The thing I feared most was a customer asking me what I really thought about a wine and all I could do was smile stupidly, shake my head and say, “Well, it got a 92.”
Have you ever been shit faced with a customer or your staff?

I’ve been happy with customers and staff, but my shit-faced days ended when I shit my pants after an afternoon wine binge. It wasn’t pretty.

One wine pairing that everyone raves about and you think is stupid?

Chocolate and Cabernet springs to mind. Viognier and anything. You can find ridiculous pairings in just about every magazine that writes about such stuff. Wine and spicy-hot food.

Hangover cure of choice?

3 big glasses of water and two aspirin at bedtime. More water when you get up to pee.

How do you feel, as a retailer about states restricting shipments of wine to their residence?

I think it is backward. And unconstitutional.




Now that I have you here, you always tell me, “Well, you’re not a regular girl” care to tell me just what the hell that is supposed to mean?!

You are the kind of chick guys like to hang out with. A truth-teller with a fast comeback, a great sense of humor and two big…

Airplane reading, The Wine Spectator or The Star?

Definitely the Wine Spectator. I like to see how rich people live.
Are you aware that you stutter when a woman in a tight shirt talks to you?

Yes. I tried all kinds of therapy and all it did was make me blush some more.

You often bemoan the state of California wines, the high alcohol and sweet fruit…do you think the wines have changed or you have?

Everyone changes, and I’m no exception. But California wine is not close to being what it was, nor is it as fun to drink anymore. Napa wineries used to make juicy, inexpensive generic house wines. Now they make cheap, dull versions of their master varietals, which are expensive dull versions. In those days you could drink a bottle without getting a headache, and red wines were dry.

What one touching story do you retell the most about one of your exchanges with a customer?

My high school history teacher, well into his 80s, used to come in and talk to me about current world events. He was a proud ex-Marine who fought at Iwo Jima, but he hated the Iraq war. When he died, his widow called to ask if we could have a memorial service in our wine shop. Over 100 people showed up to pay their respects, and we sent him off to Valhalla, all of us sipping some nice wines that evening. Weird, huh?

What one annoying customer story?

I had a regular customer quit coming in because I refused to give him a dollar off a bottle of a case of Zinfandel he wanted. He was an optomologist earning four times what I made. He was infuriated and stomped out the door. I followed him into the parking lot shouting, “I’m a wine merchant, NOT A RUG MERCHANT!!”
Then there was a time when I gave a big donation to a local charity and the guy had the balls to ask me for a discount on the wine he bought right afterwards.




Now you were a musician before you entered the wine business so while playing rock star in your car….who do You pretend to be?!

You forget, I was a rock star. I don’t have to pretend. Well, not really. We really tore them up at the Fandango Club in Montclair for awhile. Honestly, I never wanted to be anybody else.

What advice would you give to anyone thinking of opening a wine store right now?

How does losing your life’s savings sound?
You’re having a big luscious, fatty steak what are you drinking?

Simple Loire red wines like Chinon and Bourgeuil. If I want to feel happy, I’ll drink Clos Rougeard Saumur-Champigny.

Gruner Veltliner; amazingly complex and interesting or overpriced and the next cautionary tale?

When Gruner Veltliner is crisp and refreshing, it is an attractive regional wine. When it tries to be profound it is amazingly lead-footed. It was more popular awhile back for not being Chardonnay than being an expressive wine.

Are you ever going to learn how to work the registers at The Wine Country?

It would make life easier for customers who have to wait at the counter while certain staff members are, uh, out for a smoke. But my simple brain is so full of useless stuff, it’s hard to make room for the useful.

You have changed the lives of many people that have worked for you…your passion for wine, your devotion to your customers, your gift for writing, you ever take a moment and reflect on that?

I’m very happy to hear that. It’s nice to be well thought of. But right now I’m getting a herpe worrying about next week’s payables.

Who are your favorite importers and why? (Um, Randoo…I love you and all but please keep this list manageable. I know you are going to want to list everyone so lets keep it to five or less)

Beaune Imports has a leader with great integrity and I love his wines. Kermit Lynch is a pioneer with many important wines. Cellars International has a great German portfolio and I’ve come to love the Italian selections of Marc de Grazia. There are too many good Spanish wine importers to mention—Classical Wines of Spain and Jorge Ordoñez are dependable. I look to Terry Theisse and Becky Wasserman for Champagne.
Riesling is too sweet for some of us…you ever going to be okay with that?

Is dry Riesling too sweet for you, too? And what do you mean by “too sweet?” That isn’t in my lexicon. But you don’t eat your three servings a day of fresh fruits, do you, Samantha?




The music selection at The Wine Country, a source of discussion and sometimes contention amongst the staff and customers…what thought process goes into purchasing music for the store? Pickin’ On the Beatles….a CD with banjo renditions of Beatles songs, just sayin’…

I think Pickin’ on the Beatles is out of the rotation now. Music, like lighting, is a critically important factor in providing an appealing shopping experience, and in some cases has proven to influence certain purchases, French music stimulating French wine sales, for example. Music should follow the natural rhythms of the day—not too frenetic in the morning, building more energy as the day goes along. It should not offend or draw attention to itself. Chain saw guitars are out. I prefer instrumentals because you don’t stop to listen to the words. Light classical music like Mozart and Vivaldi are more appropriate for shopping than Mahler and Richard Strauss. Store music isn’t for the people who work there, it’s for customers. It’s another way to provide an attractive and subliminally stimulating environment for people who shop there.
Have you sneezed while peeing?
That's what those spots on the wall are...





You have always employed a lot of women in your store, on purpose or fluke?

I love women. I always have. That’s why I’ve been married four times. Women are good communicators and don’t intimidate customers as much as the typical head-up-his-ass, know-it-alls you usually find clerking wine shops. They work harder than most men and are more creative. Besides, every once in a long while, I get some accidental boobage from turning the wrong way at the right time. I dream about it afterward.

What three things would you say you are the most proud of as the owner of The Wine Country?

I’m proud when a stranger comes up to me on the street and thanks me for simply giving them a good wine store. I’m prouder when a customer walks past me to ask the advice of one of my staff members. I’m proudest when I beat Trader Joe’s in a reader’s poll of the best place to buy wine in Long Beach. Which is yet to happen, by the way.

Do you read any wine magazines?

Only when I’m waiting to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist’s office.

Your want to have caramel popcorn at the shop, customer-inspired or it’s-a-snack-I-want-inspired?

To me, caramel popcorn is one of the great joys of life. Isn’t it so for everyone? Doesn’t everyone like what I like?

How often do you read my posts and cringe?

I wish you wouldn’t drop the F-bomb for punctuation. I’d have you use it very sparingly and only when you need to go nuclear. Other than that, I’m an admirer of your extraordinary gifts, wherever they take us readers.

Now I know you and I drink more white wine than red for the most part, this is something you rarely mention in the pages of your newsletter….how come? Do you believe that consumers are biased or somehow believe that red wine is serious wine and white wines are not?

I hadn’t noticed I was neglecting white wine, since I’m the store’s designated German wine writer. In a recent issue I had an entire sidebar praising the profound pleasures of the affordable Manciat-Poncet Macon-Charnay. In the store I often show customers the white wines I drink when I first come home from work and my favorite white wine to serve with Oeufs en Meurette (Azo’s Petit Chablis).
As for the red wine hierarchy, do people really think that wines with names like “Sin Zin,” “Bad Dog Pinot” and “Bitch Grenache” are more serious than Touraine Sauvignon?
There have always been biases in wine and most of them are due to too little information or sweeping generalizations formed in bygone eras. Biases, by definition, aren’t fair. And I’ve read the asinine slogan, “All wine would be red if they could.” Do you think a Bernkasteler Doctor really wants to be red?
Still, red wine offers more stuff, and there are people who want a lot of stuff in their wine.
People who reject an entire class of wine—like white wine—are a bit like people who only listen to one kind of music. They may be sweet as hell, but boring as a fence post at the dinner table. And dinner is where white wine can really make a difference.
I drink certain types of white wine, but not the type that most restaurants and banquets serve. I completely understand people who say they never drink white wine if all they’ve experienced is cheap Chardonnay. Or expensive, oaky, buttermilk-y Chardonnay. I’m sure that if most of them spent a month living with Chablis, Sancerre and Vouvray they’d change their attitude toward white wine.
And maybe not.




Zinfandel people: crazy or just drunk?

This is a subject I’ve studied and written about for a very long time. To paraphrase F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Zin drinkers, they are different from you and me.” They are superhuman. And it is still surprising to see petite women pounding down glasses of high-alcohol Zinfandel, which goes on more than I realized. They are truly great women.

What would you say is the most eye opening thing you have learned by dealing with the end consumer in the wine world?

There is no substitute for human connection, especially when it comes to wine. At its best, wine is a shared experience. And wine people are more generous, cultivated and intelligent than beer people. Just ask one. And all the push-ups nowadays are pretty eye-opening.

This interview has been hard for me….can you tell?

What else is hard for you?

How often on an average day would you say you think about boobies?

I never think about boobs except when I see a woman. I try not to stare, but sometimes they get the best of me.
Now let me ask you a question. Do you think cleavage is fair? “Here you are, fellas. I got these magnificent babies, but if I catch you looking at ‘em, you’re toast.” Every impulse in my body tells me I want to dive right in there, but I’d get in serious trouble. Is that justice?




You are aware that sometimes women just get cranky, it’s not all hormones….right?

It has taken me 60 years to answer that question and I think I’m getting close.

I don’t think in all the years I have known you that I have ever seen you dance, what up with that?

I think it was George Carlin who said that the most oppressed people in society make the best dancers. It’s a great release and a joyous way for non-musicians to express themselves to music. Dancing is fine for people who like to sweat, but I never like to sweat. Also, you have to practice to be good at it. And practice makes me sweat, so there you are.
If you’re talking slow dancing, that’s another subject. (See boobies, above.)




Boxers or Briefs?

Briefs. My package needs the support.

Vacation; Lodi or Somali?

Wherever you don’t have to get shots first.

If I told you that you will forever be one of the most important, generous and life changing men in my life would you share a bottle of Sancerre with me?

Sure I will! Will you share some goat cheese with me?

Wine Biz Interview #7 With Sales Rep Michael Parra

I knew when I started this interview series that I wanted to include a sales rep or two. These people are in the unique position of having to sell wines that they didn’t select to people that may or may not want them…super fun right? I have a tremendous respect for these people, (well some of them) and watching the hoops that they have to jump through helped me decide that it is a job that I could never do. Michael Parra is one of my favorite sales dudes, he is not pushy, he never wastes our time and as someone that was “under the tabled” by him I can say….the guy can hold his booze.

How long have been “On the streets” as it were?

5 years with Maddalena, 1 year with a small, now closed distributor.


What would you say is the single coolest part of your gig?

The wine, spend the day in great locations sipping some ridiculous juice, doesn’t suck.
The routine is the same but everyday is different, if that makes sense.

Hardest part?

Staying patient. Sometimes the buyers will drag their feet to buy, sometimes legit other times it’s because their losers and the only thing that makes them feel cool is jerking around a sales rep. Once you get experience you become pretty quick at separating the players from the punks.

Do you have any buyers you hate but are forced to deal with?

Not really, they may not buy from my portfolio but that’s cool, it’s not personal, and if they keep it professional than it’s all good, for the most part I like all my buyers. If they act like an ass I walk away, plenty of business to be done with cool people.

Are you afraid I am going to ask you which one?

No, everybody knows I am straight forward, I’d tell ya.

Hangover cure of choice?

Good old classics, Aleve, water, greasy food, when in doubt, more booze



You tend to stammer when we meet, do I make you nervous?

No not at all. Quite the contrary, your one of my favorites. Probably hungover




You are The Wine Country’s “crack” dealer, (Stella Rosa, sweet sparkling red) and I know how much of that we go through…just how much crack are you selling on the streets?

Its embarrassing, ridiculous amounts.

You ever flirted to make a sale?

Only if he was cute!!!
Guys have to be careful with that. The line between flirting and being sleazy is pretty slim

I’ve heard horror stories from reps about wine buyers, are we really as douchebaggy as we are often labeled?

Some are. Mostly the guys. They find it to be there only avenue to getting laid. It’s never a matter of buying or not as long as it’s handled professionally. It’s like the kid that gets beat up in high school that becomes a cop just so he can be a dick. The Winecountry crew has an excellent reputation, FYI.

Airplane reading: Playgirl or Cosmo?

Neither, I’m a sports guy.

What percentage of the people you sell wine to actually know a thing or two about wine?

Most do, probably 80%, but the good buyers are the ones that know what is gonna sell in there establishment. The jerk offs that annoy me are the ones that only buy wines they like. They just don’t get it.





You have a sort of Jersey vibe about you…are you offended by Jersey Shore?

Mom is Italian from Queens, but I get what you’re saying. I saw part of an episode of Jersey Shore, laughed a lot, I knew a lot of those girls, and they still make me laugh. New York’s equivalent to valley girls or surfer dickheads. They have the “Situation” Cali has “Moondoggie”. The lifestyle is the culture much more than their ethnicity.

Have you ever sneezed while peeing?

Yes, disaster for the guy next to me

Vacation: Texas or Tuscany?

Tuscany




Playing rock star in the car...who do you pretend to be?

I am more of an R&B guy….probably some Marvin,but not opposed to doin some 80's hairbands, look how well things worked out for Brett Michaels.

Which do you find more effective? Dropping off a bottle or opening and tasting with the buyer?

Taste with the buyer, I like to get reaction to the wines good or bad. Leaving a bottle usually doesn’t work. How many of my bottles do you still have lying around?

Have you ever been shitfaced with a customer?

Hell yes! It’s the fun part, plus I’m really good at it.


If yes, did it help or hinder further sales?

It never hurts, although you haven’t bought anything in a while.




Finish this sentence, “I freaking cringe when a buyer says….”

I was hoping it would have more butter.

You sell a good clip of sweet wines, fruit wines and wines with names like, “Velvet” do you find that those wines sell better in certain markets?

Downtown Absolutely. We developed the wines we did in large part due to the wineries location. for better or worse is a cultural crossroads and the sweeter style wines have always done well with certain ethnicities. What we didn’t expect the crossover appeal to be as great as it’s become.


You are aware that just putting “Is” as your status on Facebook is annoying right?

It’s funny because I don’t do it on purpose but I get the most reaction from everybody when it does happen. If I put that I was on “FIRE” nobody would give a shit, but if I put “IS” all hell breaks loose.

You have been known to say things that make me blush, are you trying to get me to buy your “Sweet Berry Wine?”

NO! The Sweet Berry Wine will sell itself, making you blush is for pure selfish reasons.




If I told you that you make me laugh often, your “Just drunk” text split my sides and I think you are one of my most favorite sales people…would you do a chocolate cake shot with me?

As long as I don’t remember it the next day.

I just want to thank Mike for taking the time out of his Stella Rosa pushing day to take part in this interview. Dude you are one cool ass cat, you make me laugh I admire your attitude and I adore you!

Wine Biz Interview #6 Winemaker John Kelly Of Westwood Winery

The first time I saw the name John Kelly it was in the comment section of this blog. It was a million years ago and he was and still is a very active and supportive reader/commenter. As I baby stepped my way around the blogosphere I noticed that this fiery, opinionated but fiercely passionate cat was a regular on some of the other sites I read….funny how that happens, like minds and what not. I always love it when a winemaker jumps in the conversation and is willing to voice an opinion from their side of this crazy business of ours, few do it better than John.


Where are you currently making wine?

Westwood Winery, in Sonoma. I own part of it, with some out-of-State investors. I’m making 100% estate wines from 37 acres we started planting in 2001: Pinot and red Rhones – no whites.

Have you made wine anywhere else?

Yes. Interned at RH Phillips back in 1987. Then got my break with Stag’s Leap Wine Cellars that ran 5 years. Had a brief stint at Duckhorn before settling in at Sonoma-Cutrer for 6 years. For me Westwood started as a nights-and-weekends thing in 1994 while I was still at SCV. After I left SCV I worked at Vinquiry – the analysis and supplies company – for 3 years. Then I consulted for another 5-6 years before I stepped up to making Westwood my full-time gig.

What inspired you to become a winemaker?

I needed a job, and the internship was available… I’m not sure how far back to go here. It’s not like I wanted to be a winemaker when I was a kid, though my parents did get me interested in wine – we had a good bottle on the table at nearly every family meal when I was growing up. In college in Texas I didn’t know anyone else who had a couple cases of wine stashed in a closet – I was into food and wine even back then, though I had no money. I had worked in restaurant kitchens before going to college, so I could cook too. But career-wise I was focused on academic research, and so I came to Davis to get my doctorate in biochemistry. I picked Davis for my graduate work in part because it was close to Napa, and I spent nearly every other weekend during my studies visiting wineries. After I wrote my dissertation I started to think that I was not really temperamentally suited to be an academic. I worked in a fine wine shop for a couple of years, which got me interested in finding a job in production. The rest, as they say…




You are very active in the wine blog world do you think wine blogs are important?

Well, I think MINE is important. Oh… and yours, too! Important? Like ending hunger or promoting social justice important? – No. Wine blogs are more like” inevitable,” given that the technology to publish weblogs made all things possible for all people.

Hangover cure of choice?

1) Red Bull and aspirin, or 2) lots of Taco Bell and more drinking if #1 fails.

I’ve noticed a new burst of posts from your own blog, what got you back into writing it?

Really, the blog has been sort of an intermittent self-indulgence from the get-go. I’m not a five-posts-a-week kind of guy. But yes I lost interest for about 6 months recently – I had some other stuff going on in my life that demanded my full attention. But I’m back, baby.

How many wine blogs do you read?

Wine-related blogs? I’ve got 16 set up in my feed reader.

What is the single most satisfying part of making wine?

Seeing “that smile” when somebody connects with my work for the first time.

The single most heartbreaking?

When I screw up something promising in the cellar. It happens!




Do you have a favorite vintage? If so why?

Of my wines? Or in general? I could say something sappy, like: 2002 and 2004, the years my kids were born. But for my wines? – nope. Come to think of it, not generally either. Too many regions and wines within them to have to keep track of favorites for each.

Have you ever been like super buzzy, up late at night and fallen asleep at your computer while futzing around on Facebook?

My wife found me face-planted on the keyboard of my laptop one night some time ago. Shame, but since I promised you I would answer all your questions thoroughly and truthfully, that would be a “yes.”




Vacation: Kentucky or Kuwait?

Kentucky – at least I expect I could get good Bourbon there without potentially violating the sensibilities of my hosts.

Where do you stand with the current nonintervention trend of winemaking?

On my head, with my fingers circling my ears and my tongue sticking out blowing a raspberry at the crazies.

Have you ever said something to a critic or customer that you wish you had not?

Um… sure. But it’s not like they didn’t have it coming. I will say I’ve mellowed with age, and I’m always working on upgrading the filtering software.

Are you afraid I will ask you to whom or what you said?

If you did, and I answered, that might be one long conversation.




Have you ever sneezed while peeing?

No I don’t think so – though one time, in college, I think I sneezed, belched and farted all at once. My recollection is a little hazy, so I might have been drunk at the time. I think I recall my date being not all that impressed.

You and I share a very real lust for Burgundy, what wine was it that first slipped beneath your skin?

In all honesty, it was a California wine that first turned me on to the grape: a 1975 Hoffman Mountain Ranch Pinot. It was an amazing wine, and cheap – important on grad student pay – because the winery had gone out of business. But once I discovered red Burgundy I was wrecked for life – wrecked I tell you. It was a Maume Mazis-Chambertin from the early 70’s that gave me my first O-face from wine. There have been many since.

Boxers or briefs?

A gentleman never tells. Mostly boxers and a couple pairs of boxer-briefs.

Are there any varietals that you will not grow?

Pet peeve here: a varietal refers to the wine made from a single variety. So I grow varieties, and “raise” and “refine” varietals. (OK… I’m an ass.) But seriously, give me enough money and I will grow anything you want. As for what I want to grow – of the varieties that interest me, I have the right ones planted at the site we own now. If fate is kind, one day I might like to grow and make Negro Amaro, or Sagratino on the right piece of ground. So long as I am in California I probably won’t grow any Zinfandel, or Chardonnay. But if some long lost relative were to leave me a little clos in Chablis…

Finish this sentence, “I want people that drink my wine to…..”

go home and make babies.




Worst over indulgent wine night ever?

Worst in what way? Gave me the worst hangover? Caused me the most humiliating walk of shame? Cost the most money and left my suit covered with body glitter? One of the funniest was celebrating the end of harvest with a bunch of interns from South Africa at my house. We drank all the good bottles and then went back and drank the not-so-good ones. I was playing DJ with the old vinyl when it caught up with me and I fell asleep [ahem] on the living room floor. They put chopsticks up my nose and took pictures – I had my fingers laced together on my chest and the most angelic smile. Ah… good times.

I’ve tasted some of your wines, (thank you for sending those to me by the way) and noticed that while they are up there in alcohol there is NO trace of it on the nose or palate, how you do that?!

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you. Let’s just say I understand yeast at a deep and carnal level and will do whatever it takes to make them happy, and leave it at that.

First or last on the dance floor?

Last, if I’m out there at all. Rocking my awkward terminal white-guy overbite.




When playing rock star in the car who do you pretend to be?

Robert Plant. David Byrne. I know you were hoping I’d say Dave Matthews, but I can’t pull that off.

If I were to tell you that knowing you always have my back, knowing that you are one of my longest readers, (Ron My Love, he saw me first!) and seeing that you linked my blog on one of your comments and having you tell me that you find reading my blog as pleasurable as reading Kermit’s newsletter made me beam with pride and always strive to entertain you, would you share a bottle of Pastis with me?

Of course. Flattery will get you everywhere. In fact I’ll have you know that in honor of our shared obsession with this widely misunderstood beverage, I have been sipping my way through a very tall Pastis all during this interview. Slainte!




Thank you John. Thank you for the interview and for the hours shared here. Knowing that you are reading makes me try harder. Reading your comments have made me very proud, laugh out loud and once or twice...cry. You are wonderful person that I feel very lucky to know.