A Big Sack:1/22/11

Starting out on a sad note, it seems that Blockbuster is closing its doors, having fallen to the Redbox blight...blight, in my opinion, because I love going to the video store and browsing for titles. I can see the point of a Redbox in those isolated rural areas of the country where one can't get to a local video store. But in the greater populated areas, it is sad to see the video stores dropping like poisoned flies. Ironically, the reason I went to various video stores in my city was not to rent or purchase new releases, but to check out old stuff...exploitation and slasher movies from the 1970s and 80s, and even stuff from like 2006 and 2007.


So, while this maybe be my last A Big Sack feature, it will not be my last B-movie feature. If you did not know, the reason I called it A Big Sack was because it came from Blockbuster's Five Movies, Five Days, Five Dollar deal, where I would get a, well, big sack of goodies(and baddies) films to enjoy. Anyway, let's move on:

• Shuttle: Rating films is really a complicated process. What I mean is, there are your typical "A" films, like Titanic, where everyone across the board sees it as an excellent film. Then there are your "B" films, maybe like Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, which will be derided because it seemingly lacks complexity or whatever. However, at the same time, why like the "A" movie or see it as good, because everyone else does? Why hate the "B" film because everyone else does? Long story short, Shuttle is strictly a movie in the "B" category, but it is a really good film. The film is about two girl-friends(Peyton List and Cameron Goodman) who, after returning from a vacation in Mexico, board a shuttle bus for transportation along with two guys they have just met(James Synder and Dave Power). The Driver of the bus(Tony Curran) turns the trip into a night of horror after the pretense of not knowing where he is going. Shuttle has some excellent set-ups and twists; nearly every small detail you see in the film gets a shout-out and a payoff at the film's climax and resolution, demonstrating a decent script, imo(I'm not exactly expecting Nolan or Tarentino here). One of the better quality independent movies I've enjoyed. A.

• The Final: An Eight Films To Die For IV movie that, as a former high school outcast, I can definitely empathize with, as well as can be seen as horrifyingly realistic(with so many school shootings in recent years), The Final is about six constantly bullied high school students who decide to take revenge on their tormentors. Their plan consists of setting up a costumed party at an isolated location to lure the various bullies to, donning awesome costumes of their own, drugging the bullies, chaining them up, and then torturing them in horrific ways. Easily one of the scariest of the movies I rented, because it is possibly the closest to reality. Such chilling torture scenes include face paste that can melt your face off, fingers being chopped off, and bear traps. The funny thing is...without my parents and God, I probably would have done something to the people at my high school akin to this. It's creepy to think that way, but bullying is bullying...it affects people. Kudos for having a black character who had much bearing on the plot(Jascha Washington) beyond filling a token minority spot:). Also, shame on After Dark Films for not using the awesome original poster(viewed upper left of this article), instead using a boring, generic poster:(. This movie is A+.



• Feast 2: The awesome mayhem continues. With such awesome ingredients as a biker chick(i.e. Biker Queen) and her gang of hot mommas, a tag-team of little people Mexican wrestlers, and Cole(Carl Anthony Payne II of Martin fame), we have the spectacular second installment of the Feast saga. There are definitely more than a few jaw-dropping moments that play against expectations from any story you've read before, let along any movie you've watched. One example involves an innocent little baby. A+ all the way!



• Neighbor: America Olivio...just let me write you a film, seriously. Neighbor is the inappropriate title to this film, which should be called Invader or Interloper. Olivio's character seems more like a plot device than a character, and a god-moding type at that. She seems to be invincible and indomitable, a spectre that can job and kill anybody without batting an eyelash. There is no motive, no rhyme or reason to her actions. Comparing her to Angela Baker, the star villain of the Sleepaway Camp slasher series would not be fair, as Angela...is actually developed to some degree. What we have here is a film that simply shows blood and gore, and nothing more. Characters aren't developed, the storyline makes no sense(why is Olivio's character killing random people? Where did she come from? And why attack and kill the main character and his friends?). I probably would have actually liked the film if "The Girl" was developed a bit...even in slasher/"torture porn"/horror films, I want some developed characters and good story. This movie is D.



• The Reeds: From Eight Films To Die For IV is this English film. Initially, I thought the film would be similar to Eden Lake, about English citizens in an isolated part of the countryside being harassed by murderous hoodlums. Instead, this great film offers a cool concept and a few good twists. Basically, six friends go boating in reed country, where many strange things occur, perpetrated by a rowdy group of teenagers and a strange hooded man with a shotgun. This movie is a B+.

Thanks to all on Youtube for posting the various trailers!

Just Mediocre Cinema: The Final Destination(include possible SPOILERS)

The fourth installment in the ever-popular Final Destination franchise, begun in 2000 with Final Destination, proves that even a strong, unique concept can become tired, formulaic, and boring with a cliched script, no expansion on the series' background, and nothing new brought to the table for even the most style-over-substance-driven aficiondos.

The basic premise of the franchise is that death, or Death if you prefer, literally stalk survivors of massive disaster scenerios that were not supposed to survive in the first place. Essentially, the series has a fatalistic tone, where everything one does to cheat death ends in nothing, as death will eventually claim you. I think part of the joke is that everyone will die anyway, because that is what we all share. So it makes you wonder...are the people in these movies trying to avoid simply a vicious and bloody death...or dodge death all together? That's one question that has not be brought up, although one positive thing in the latest film is explored...taking your own life. But, getting ahead of myself.

This film brings in the 3-D option that has become all the bells and whistles of late, started with My Bloody Valentine 3-D, a rousing good show that is a remake about a killer miner terrorizing a town(and a hot blond chick that was naked for 5 minutes!!! Definately MY cup of tea). In this film, while there are a rare good 3-D money-shot scattered here and there(like a man tripping on wooden bleaches and inpaled through the mouth by an upright-broken bleacher), i don't think it was used to its full advantage. Hell, i found the whole movie to be really lacking in the gore department...and I'm not even a gore hound! I'm not kidding, my imagination had more vicious and horrific scenerios than what I had seen in that flick.

Anyway, the film is about a young man named Nick O' Bannon(either a porn star or a pulp adventurer's name, lol), played by Bobby Campo, who attends a car race with some friends. The invisible, formless personfication of Death does its Rube Goldberg-thing, and soon, a horrific car crash happens... metal pieces slicing through folks like knives through sticks of butter, flaming tires turning people into paste, motors smacking folks through the head...the works. But, in the Final Destination tradition, it turns out to be a premonition. Nick, frightened by this foresight, Rube-Goldberg-style also, causes a disruption that has his friends and several others taken out of the stadium by a guard(George Lanter), only to have the terrible accident happen moments after they leave. A single tire slices through the air to take the head off of one of the girls...and the movie is off from the starting line.

The best part of this movie was the opening credits. They basically display various deaths of characters from the first three installments, in a diagram and skeleton form. After that, we have Nick, his girlfriend Lori Milligan(Shantel VanSanten), and his friends slowing trying to find out what is going on, as survivors of the accident are being killed. Just like in the other films, Nick receives premonitions, as symbols(like a door, a wooden cross, a truck crane, and sparks), that give him Sherlock Holmes-clues to how the other survivors will die. And just like other films, death(Death, "Death"?) hunts them down, dispatching survivors in ghastly, and often-times, funny ways.

And that's the problem with this film.

Nothing new is really brought to the table, and nothing is expounded on. Correction. One thing, and only one thing is new, and this is a SPOILER: The guard tries to hang himself, but he does not die. Is "Death" egotistical as well? This is never elaborated on. Nothing, in the FOURTH film of this FRANCHISE is expanded on. We never learn why humans receive these visions, or why death won't let a human take his or her own life. We never learn how long, in human history, this has been going on. There is also no elaboration on why the number 180(introduced in the first film) is so important in reference to death. Unlike the first two films, where the story is cultured and expanded on(such as the death "cheaters" of the first film's influence on the second film's survivors, truly cheating death through life in the second film), this film, as well as its predecessor, focuses on the elaborate death scenerios as opposed to continuing any story arc.

And even the deaths seem more cartoony than vicious, ghastly, and mind-numbing. I still hold Final Destination 2's car-pile-up as one of the most horrific scenes in horror film history. Compared to that, this film's car-race disaster was very tame. Hell, I say part 2 was the most brutal and bloody of the series thus far...while this latest offering seems to suffer from having slasher movie deaths that were too usual. It also doesn't help that many of the characters are cliched...the arrogant egotist pretty boy, the heroic Caucasian male main character, his virtous girlfriend, the token minority...again, nothing new or diffrent.

In the end, I give this film a C+. I give it this because, while the deaths made me chuckle a little(don't cut your eyes at me! It is a slasher film, after all), the lack of any story elaboration or progression, or expansion on the general concept takes it down a big peg. According to Wikipedia, this is supposely the last in the series; let's hope any subsequent revival expands on this truly unique concept.

Film Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4osKSQrrk

Guilty Pleasure: Sorority House Massacre 2 and Hard To Die

I've always been the horror movie buff of my family. But among the Nightmare on Elm Street and Hellraisers, there's also been those guilty pleasures. You know, the ones you get to enjoy T &A, and the scream queens, and you can practically guess the killer is by looking at his or her clothes? Yeah.

I'm a devoted fan to the "Golden Age" of the slasher film...those of the 1970s and 1980s...the ones where the casts are unknown thespians, and the plot was more important than Josh Hartnett or Buster Rhymes or Kelly Rowland's appearance in the film.

Anyway, while renting movies from my favorite spots, i came across a little gem called Sorority House Massacre II. The story is simple: five sorority babes buy a house where, five years prior, a family was murdered by their father. This is where the fun starts, lol.

To explain the murders, footage from Slumber Party Massacre was used...so the crazed killer in said footage(who wasn't linked to the family, if i remember correctly) kills his daughters Ginger and Mary Ann(i laughed when i caught the joke. Where's Skipper?). Oh, and our cast of Sorority Heroines(tm?)? Gail(Robyn)Harris is the lead character, a hot British Chick(my nickname for her) with a nice...ahem...smile. She's the lead character(introduced in a nice framing device..."Is it over? Oh God, is it over?" with a nice Brit accent) followed by Melissa Moore, a giant blonde who towers over the others(Sailor Jupiter). The others escape my mind at the moment; push comes to shove, they are dispatched by a guy with a hook(years before The Fisherman showed up) resulting in a large spray of red stuff on the walls. No, literally...the deaths are shown off camera, but you can see the shadows on the wall...hook comes down, blood squirted on the walls.

In the end, British Chick is "The Final Girl" left to battle the resurrected family killer. I don't want to spoil it for you, so i won't tell you who it is(*cough*Jupiter*cough*) But sadly, British Chick did not make it out alive of this one...:(. Oh, and i forgot to mention the other main attraction of this movie...Orville Ketchum, a mix of Wolverine and John Goodman, with the speech pattern of a retarded ape.

Seriously, this guy(who...should he even be considered a red herring?), a neighbor, is extremly creepy, and nearly gives the girls a heart attack when he appears. He later appears in the house, when the girls are on red alert from the killer. Let me tell you, this guy has a healing factor...seriously. He's stapped multiple times, choked by British Chick with a cord, drowned in the toilet, blown away by policemen...and he is still alive when the credits roll, even getting a hot nurse as a bonus. Must be all the bloody raw meat he eats, lol.

British Chick and most of the same cast return in "Hard to Die". Imagine my surprise when the film opened the exactly same way, with the exact same framing device. This time, our heroines, under different names, work in a highrise building. We have new "members" on the team, including another English Babe(British Lady) and Stripper Girl(she was a hot stripper in Sorority House Massacre II). British Chick is back, as well as Sailor Jupiter and the other chick(i might call her Country Chick, 'cause she had a southwestern drawl to me).

Anyway, this time, we learn that the family killer practiced occult magic, and had split his soul into three parts, one part in a Egyptian-styled box that British Lady opens. I enjoyed that concept, as well as the links between the movies. Oh, Orville returns. When the s*** hits the fan, he goes through the same punishment...even being thrown off of the highrise...and surviving!!
The finale involves another possessed babe and guns...lots of guns. It was halirious to see the possessed woman and Orville shoot each other and slump down in a bloody heap...only to keep getting up and shooting each other again.

Other running gags and subplots included a detective duo, a man and a woman, investigating Orville Ketchum and blaming him for the murders(thinking he had something to do with the first set of murders(the family) and then killing the Sorority Girls(Hard to Die). It was funny to see the man going to different erotic locales to find information...on Sorority House, he went to a Stripper Bar and talked to a stripper, and in Hard to Die, a Porn Star on set. Both, much to his lady partner's chagrin.

I really wish these two movies were part of an official trilogy, with Gail Harris's character surviving the first movie only to have to battle the killer's spirit again and again. I swear, when i obtain professional status, i will write the remake of Hard to Die as a trilogy.

Trailer For Sorority House Massacre II:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2NOgOpvOYs
Trailer for Hard to Die:
There isn't one:(

Just Bad Cinema: Friday the 13th 2009

Jason...can move faster. And he's seemed to have taken up the trade of setting traps like Kevin from Home Alone. And Jason seems to be protecting weed in the Crystal Lake forest. Welcome to the pointless remake of Friday the 13th, produced by Micheal Bay's Platnium Dunes company.

When we are stripped to a sequel of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9dY6vEDIaY
for just a redundant retread and retelling of the first three Friday the 13ths, it's just...insane.

The newest Jason flick takes its cue from the current Hollywood trend of recycling and rebooting saber-tooth franchises, such as Nolan's Batman films, Zombie's Halloween, or the newest James Bond movies. But instead of a stronger focus on characterization(Batman) or a different take(Halloween and James Bond), we get yet another "dead teenager movie"...but without the strength of creative kills that is often the main point of the slasher movie.

Then again, i admit, we do get one...but i'm getting ahead of myself. One of the very limited pluses i do give this movie was the inclusion and homage to the first Friday the 13th(often a trick question for people who don't know their slasher flicks) in the FIRST pre-credit sequence. Just like in the first 1980 film, the final girl beheads Ms. Vorhees Highlander-style. Then, we get kid Jason cradling his mother's head. Fast forward untold years later, and you basically have a group of teenagers on an expedition...to find weed in Crystal Lake forest.

I BS you not.

What was this, Indiana Jones and the Weed By the Lake? Basically, kids set up camp in the forest, and begin to split up for sex, drugs, and other young-un vices. One guy finds the weed in the forest, and before he could go back to the others, Jason gets him. One by one, he picks them off. And here is where that only creative kill comes to play: Jason basically traps a girl in a sleeping bag, hangs it above the fire, and roast her like a neckbone on the 4th of July.

All of these teens are killed...before the credits start rolling.

After the credits, we get a second annoying batch of teenagers...including two tokens(an Asian guy and a black guy), who basically don't get any tail at all. What's with this, anyway? Why not three black people, two Asians, a Latino, and a Brooklyn Native? Why not two Latinos, three Asians, and two Black people? This trend stretches credibility to the limit. Really, in real life...what group situation has one minority only?

Anyway, besides Asian Guy and Black Dude, we have Flash Thompson(guy whose house is where the group will be staying at), Nightgown Girl(because that is what she get kills in), and Nancy Drew(who will team up with our protagonist), Our protagonist is a college-aged guy who is looking for his sister...who was with the first pre-credit group to be dispatched by Jason. The protagonist and the other group are seperate, only meeting up on the way; of course, Flash and our hero rub each other the wrong way.

Once they get up to the house and get settled, Jason begins his assault. Was I the only one glad the Asian guy got it? He was wrecking Flash's house, then going out into his garage and tearing things up there. And Black Dude...really? A frying pan against Jason? I watched with glee when Jason whupped his @ss...at least we did not see another "Busta Rhymes beating Micheal Myers"-type incident(Halloween: Resurrection). Still, i was hoping for some actual creativity and/or gore, some brutal "Kratos-God of War" style beatdowns. Seriously, Punisher: Warzone had more creative slasher "artistry" than this...and it technically wasn't a horror movie!

Another thing to mention is Jason has his own freaking Jason-Cave. Seriously, he had an underground lair beneath the camp, and our hero and Nancy Drew finds out about this.

All in all...i see no point of this movie, and i've seen better staples of the genre(breasts, kills) in other movies.

Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VhXo4Nye5Q

Just Awesome Cinema: Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

10:00 p.m. - Stare at Survivor Girl while she works at shop
11:30 p.m. - Pick up Milk and Bread at Supermarket
12:00 a.m. - Stalk Survivor Girl while she studies upon legend

I'm sure Leslie Vernon, the epynomous antagonist of the film, had a list similar to this while he stalked his survivor girl(aka Final girl) and set up his detailed plans to lay the foundation of his legend among the top slashers of his day. Welcome to the world of Behind The Mask...a world where Micheal Myers, Jason Vorhees, and Freddy Kruger all co-exist and are legends in the "industry" of serial killers(aka slasher villains) that our boy Leslie wants to aspire to. Instead of wanting to become an author, a baseball player, or an astronaut, ol Leslie wants to become a legendary nigh-invincible boogeyman that terrorizes his small town.

Much like Scream, Behind The Mask focuses on telling a slasher film by exploring its various tropes, some most famously introduced in Carol J. Clover's 1992 book, Men, Women, and Chainsaws: Gender In The Modern Horror Film, such as the final girl, the virginal heroine that usually survives the fatal chaos the slasher villain springs on her friends, and faces him in a fight to the death. But unlike Scream's mean-spirited pokes at the slasher genre(imho), Behind The Mask generally embraces slasher convictions, telling the story originally in documentry style before taking on the dress of a slasher film in and of itself, as Leslie Vernon begins his massacre.

The film begins with an documentry crew, lead by reporter Taylor Gentry(Angela Goethals), coming to Leslie's house to begin the interview process. After being spooked by him, played in a slightly comedic, though belivable way by Nathan Baesel, they are taken through the routine as Leslie prepares for his "life's work", a night of murder and mayhem to cement his legend. Watching the process as the cameras document it, we learn what books Leslie had to study(Anatomy and Escape/Sleight-of-hand tricks), how he picks out his victims and survivor girl, and how he goes about setting various wheels in motion to get his "show" up and running.

Honestly, Nathan Baesel has an unearthly charisma as he plays Leslie, who is down-to-earth as a regular joe, opposing the larger-than-life personas of his famous slasher "brethern". He walks the beautiful Taylor through the different methods of haunting his survivor girl(the library scene IS FUNNY AS HELL), even going through the extensive details of how he is going to slaughter the survivor girl's group of friends at a old house(the property is in his name, watched by an old cop, as he(as the legendary Leslie Vernon) is supposed to be dead).

Besides Leslie, Taylor, and her camera crew, we also are treated to Leslie's only friends, a couple, Eugene and Jamie(Scott Wilson and Brittget Newton). Eugene is introduced when Leslie digs him up in a soundproof chamber, having been buried for three days in order to control his bodily functions. Eugene reveals himself to be a former slasher killer...and the various conversations about comparisons between the "old days" of sporatic killing and the acute preparation of "Mike, Fred, and J" of now are hilarious. We are also introduced to a Dr. Loomis-inspired character, Doc Halloran, played by Robert England to perfection.

The problem with this film is that it is a slasher film for slasher fans, and the casual purveyor of horror films would probably be disappointed. The film does not focus on the survivor girl's group of friends or on the killings, but on the character Leslie Vernon's setting of the stage. BUT...if you ARE a devout slasher fan, this film is definately for you, as every painstalked wink, homage, and allusion will be captured.

One complaint I've heard about this film is that it takes away the "scare power" of Jason, Freddy, and Micheal, making them "average joes" who treat killing as "a job". I truly disagree. The mystique of Jason, Freddy, and Micheal Myers is perserved once you look at Leslie Vernon in the context of Batman. Just like Batman, he has no super-powers, and just like Batman, he trains his body and mind to perfection. Just like Batman, he uses plans, and uses gadgets in the place of superpowers.

And just like Batman, mind, body, gadgets, and plans create a legendary illusion of something that is more than human.

Link to Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tNrvDA_eE8