nico

i got the feeling the other night that when ry and i have a baby that

maybe the baby will have a very high chance of being autistic

this kind of scared me

at the same time i felt that i could handle it

well sort of

my brother nico was born with autism 

we started noticing something was not normal when he was still quite young

i didnt think anything was wrong with him

he makes a stunning Asian Indiana Jones eh?

but as we grew up 

he was different

this was very difficult for my parents

dealing with nico

trying to teach him 

trying to help him become normal

but nico will never be completely normal

but he is pretty high functioning

he drives

he goes to college

he is like a normal guy in that way

he looks normal 

handsome too

when girls hit on him

i smile 

so does he

he also is super anal about schedules

watches too much tv/movies

obsessed with animals

and australia

remembers random trivia that is kind of useless but fun to know about

he eats some junk food

which doesnt help his autism at all

however

he plays piano really well
and he is learning to play the organ

kids love him

he loves spending time with me and my family

he adores ry

he gives sweet hugs

he will drive me anywhere i ask if i dont feel like driving

he calls me to see whats up

he calls me when he thinks he did something wrong

he will always take me to the movies

he always wants to go to the museum with me

and take me too the san diego zoo

a funny recent story?

you know how at target they ask you if you want to save 5% today?

of course nico wants to save 5%

he accidentally signed up for a credit card without even realizing it

its a funny story

but it definitely makes me rethink him living alone

i wouldn't like it at all

last year he fulfilled one of his many life dreams

to go to the galapagos islands

mom tagged along

i dont blame her

nico asked me first to go with him though 

im not letting that one go

but he is growing up slowly 

and i kind of wish he wouldn't

at the same time i am so happy he is

he talks about serving a mission

getting married

and having children

and i cry inside

and sometimes i cry on the outside 

because i am so happy for his ambition

but so frightened at the same time

i am so proud of how far he has come

maybe i can handle an autistic child

i will take what the Lord gives me

because He knows what i can handle